Monday, August 22, 2016

Living to be Known: Simplify It - FourWord Monday #34

Take some time to make it easy on yourself...




Monday, August 15, 2016

Living to be Known: The (most important of) Less important Relationships...

Who said you had to be less important?

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Valet Del Roy - Sheep Found Drifting (music)

What Brothers are for!


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Friday, August 12, 2016

Dating with a Hint of Singleness or Dating without being able to Define The Realationship (Friday Follow-Up)

Happy Friday Follow-Up my Friend,

Monday I talked about dating for a few minutes. I've spent the last few days talking with as many people as possible about dating and views on relationships. Also I've done a bit of research online. It's 2016, weed out the extreme cases and you find patterns and threads. The information is pretty exhaustive so I'm going to do my best to shorten that. If you're ready for me to start this conversation then read on. If you are not ready to hear it, especially from Me, well read on anyway because I love you.

I'll write a book on this one day and it'll be so fun.

Now, on to Dating!... in short.

Let's define dating for everyone right now. This is not "your views" on dating, your parents/your friends/ your culture/ nothing. I'm going to use the dictionary, the universal shut-up to all of us right? I don't know why I wrote that. Here is Merriam-Websters definition that I'm using: 

date -"a person with whom one has a usually romantic date" or 
dating - "to go on usually romantic dates" as in plural to the single date.


date - "an arrangement to meet between two people usually with romantic feeling for each other" or dating -  "to go together regularly on romantic social engagements"

There! After almost 10 years of not acknowledging dating as a real thing, I just did it. I just want to thank my mom(lol), all my family and friends(lol), my supporters, my haters(lol) , and anyone who ever (lol) doubted me (lol) or said I couldn't do it. This ones for you. (*applauds everywhere)

So for all of you out there who think You can tell Me what You Think "dating is for you" is, or anyone else for that matter, just know that I'm going to hit you with this definition before I run it and apply it. Cause I'm a beast at this OK. Get at me bro! hahahaha(you know who you are). 

There's always been a definition. So what the heck is going on in the world. Somebody's been telling us lies I think. Oh, no?Well let's find out then. Im gonna need your input then, OK? Don't wait too long.

So I am not against relationships. I love them and we need them. So to be clear, relationships CAN be defined, and are in fact defined. They are characterized by their state of being, i.e.: we are family, we are friends, we are engaged etc etc... These are the state of relationships... BUT DATING!

Aww man. That's a state of doing...  two people are not "the date", the date, is what two people DO.

And this becomes my problem. 

Do you think that your relationship (civil union, engagement, marriage) will be birthed out of and solidified based on simply doing things together. Notice I did not say living life together. You don't date your friends or family, yet you do things with them. 

Based on the definition of dating it is clear that the motive is not actually establishing a relationship. But participating (usually) in romantic engagements. 

There is nothing that actually suggest making any long term commitment, establishing exclusivity, seeking marriage, (my very best) getting to know someone, or building trust. There is so much I can say, but i hope you understand this. There is no binding, no ownership, no possession and no hidden motive in dating. Let's do something! That's all right? other than the romance part. The romance based on fiction stories from the middle-ages. Rephrase: Let's have some ideal love affair, adventure, or be my hero for a moment please, can we do that? And usual the results are: "yes" lets date and often more than not "no, we're not dating anymore." or "we're dating, but I don't know if we're friends or lovers, because we're definitely not engaged or married."  

And there is so much confusion in not actually having a relationship with someone you may be doing so much with. Thus some become friends who become sexual, or strangers. Maybe lovers who can't seem to become friends. Maybe strangers who can't seem to become either, but just like what they do together. But a relationship? I still can't call it.

You can't only be single when you're not dating, or engaged or involved. You are quite literally "Single" until your married or in a civil union. The LGBT community understand this, and this is why they fight for "Marriage Equality"... So what makes anyone think otherwise? And don't get me started on "us Christians". Maybe in a separate post.

There is no: more than a friend less than a spouse but something like a lover relationship. And i know your brain is probably screaming, "WELL WHAT THEN?"

...Biz Markie yall! aha.

of course that's for Monday's post. Stay Tune. Engage. 

oh yea, some links to help you start you dating research... let me know have fun.

Monday, August 8, 2016

Living to be Known: Dating Won't Save You(Hold on to Your Feelings) - Fo...

What is Dating? Why do we do it? Why isn't it working? Follow up post coming to blog this week!



Thursday, August 4, 2016

The Intangible Romance... (follow up Monday #31 8/1/16 post)

World! Hello...

I love you all, for real, thank you for reading, watching and listening. It's been a great year so far and will continue. So, thank You! Now, to this Romantic Relationship mind twist.

I'll try to be quick. I don't think there are enough arguments, detail and history to want to anyway.
Here in the year of 2016, at the tinder <<< (ha, tinder) which I'll never use)... age of 29, I realized that I've been fooled once again. Not but any particular person but rather culture and idealism. I'm specifically talking about the Romantic Relationship... Are you ready? You ,don't have to agree, I'm just asking for a few minutes to tell why. Yes, it's subjective and relative but maybe you'll feel the same. What it's become we don't argue. Times change culture. But what "is" it? Because if I knew what "it" was, then maybe I could master "it"... I mean shoooooot, I want a Wife and I want some kids, and you know what that means lol... sorry, that was supposed to be Romantic.

Google Romance or Romantic for a basic premise.
I like Merriam Webster... it's old, I grew up with it, I'll keep using it. (disclaimer)

Romance is based out of a story and time of stories. Adventure, Heroism, Idealism... somewhere I read identified between the 14-17 centuries. 300yrs. I know right. keep going.

It was chivalric. You know, knights, honor, loyalty, manners and stuff like that. Think about it; middle ages/wars/plagues/wars/ravaging/wars/religious decline/wars... etc. etc.

So, yea, the idea of Romance and an Ideal love affair and adventure and a hero and something, anything, please tell me a story of a life better than this...

And in a personal way The Idea was that whether it worked out or not, it was Romantic.

So in turn, Romance gave people a new perspective, that if they could idealize their situation in some way they at least had Romance. What a relief right!

We understand the power of Words and Ideas.

Now this is just foundation talk. Unfortunately, romance is not a real thing, not a fact, and not a foundation. But an Idea of a story applied to a story, our story. and we like it, even if it's "not based in fact".....

This is the part where I just lifted my head from my hands, knowing I might lose some readers and followers. 

Your "Romantic Relationship" is fake or not an actual thing. It does not exist. You may view some things as romantic, you may try to appear romantic, you may aspire and long to be romantic or romanced but  "to have", "to be", a romantic relationship. I'm not sure. I would've said maybe if your married, but with all these divorces and dying romances. I guess there's a better way to be married. shh, that's for future post.

Maybe, just maybe, you(used generically as "we all" if applicable) had sex, a moment, a day, a happening or some time and thought the situation romance or romantic.

Sorry, but when it comes to labeling of things that Are: i.e. we are family, we are friends, we are married, we are acquainted... but we are romantic is not a state of being. Just like, "we are dating" isn't... That my friend is a state of doing... but that's for next Monday...

Some of yall might not like me no more. I accept that. It's OK.

I didn't write to kill your romantic hopes. But rather say, Don't get it twisted, it's done enough damage to some of us. Because romance is ideal, as in, something we can regard, imagine, and personally apply to the "it" rather than seeing romance as the "it", then hold that. It's OK, to let romance present itself. But don't expect it to stay, be a solution or even a foundation.

I personally think that Romance is best suited for the married. What better to learn of someone's Ideal love affair(validity) and then apply it and then re-apply it over a shared lifetime. Anything else remains as a mere memory and passing moment in some sad yet temporarily gratifying blink... Maybe that's what got me all messed up in the first place. The cultural and ideal misplacing and mismanaging presentation of The Most Intangible Romance.

What do you think?

At least I didn't talk about "falling in love" right?... lol