More recently I've been having problems with the question, how? It's not the general "how?". Like asking how to do something, how an event went, or how birds fly? . It's answering the question, "how are you doing?"....
Why is this such a hard question to answer?
Too often we ask this question without considering the gravity of it. The usual response comes in less than a full sentence. Fine, OK, kinda tired, stray looks or groans like "uugh".... and we accept that. Why?
I know that we are busy people who live fast pace lives on the go and rarely take the time to be real and honest because we value the relationship and time with people who we know.... It's like a long run-on sentence that has no punctuation. And that just wouldn't be sufficient either now, would it? I am guilty of such things. But now I am actually bothered by the question how. I shift in thought, emotion, joy, grief and practice. So how do I truthfully explain that. Each day we are asked this question at least 20 times. How can the answer always be the same? It may be that I am over-analyzing this right now because of all the shifting that is currently taking place within myself, but it has caused me to re-asses how I answer such a question in a truthful way. I have a few responses now:
1. I don't want to answer your question.
2. There isn't enough time to answer that question.
3. Right now? or recently?
4. (I take the time to answer honestly)
I've even tried to not ask the question in passing. I want to know more if I do ask it. I think making good use of time is not valuing time but all that happens within the time you have. 2 minutes, 1 hour, 3 days, or whatever you have. I'd rather have a "hi" and a wave than to be asked "how are you doing?" with no intention of actually knowing. Maybe this is why we're such lonely people most of the time. And trust me, a lot of us are. I've heard it said, I've watched it, I've seen it in the eyes of too many now. But still we continue on the same way without expressing the truth; to someone! In a crowd, we're lonely; at home, we're lonely; in church, we're lonely. If that's not you then I am thankful and pleased. But if that's not you then I hope you open your eyes, because there is probably someone around you who is. And still, sometimes even when we can see it we will accept, fine. OK, maybe we'll press, "no really, I'm OK." but see, we don't want to step on any one's toes do we... It's one thing to have just caught one of those blank moments that people have. It's a whole other issue to actually see and discern that there's a problem but not labor with somebody to see that they get through.... Proverbs 27:5-6 says "Better is open rebuke than love that is concealed. Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy."
I could go on and on about this and get into other issues. But what I really want is authenticity, integrity, honesty. I need it. Not just from others, but myself.
It costs something to involve ourselves in everyone's lives like that. That's a huge emotional burden... We don't do it only because it's so difficult, and we live in a time where everyone takes the easy road because it's easier. So much is already difficult and taking on difficult relationships is a challenge too. There is a joy and reward for those types of relationships we can't imagine too! We must have courage if we intend on claiming it.
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