Question 3. (All is fair in Love?)
Lots of people asked me "what's this suppose to mean?"
Some said "NO! somebody's gonna get hurt either way"
Some said "just because you think its love doesn't give people the right to act how they want"
This is one of those questions that made me laugh. No offense to anyone. But the saying, "all is fair in love(and war), is reference to the idea that when it comes to love, you go as far as you need to to win...were not talking about fornication and lying, being deceitful and whatnot. So let me use two a few examples to help you out. Take "the notebook", in the end, male from past takes girl from guy in present. Fair? you decide. Or, how about a favorite, "500 days of Summer", girl chooses no strings attached approach with the guy "in love" with her. Then, when he gets attached she leaves, finds the right man, invites boy to the wedding party thing; and it seems that he's left sad and lonely but she's in love and married and happy. Fair? you decide. Or my favorite movie ever, "HITCH", now tell me these men are wrong for getting help! I dare you! But women got mad that men hired someone to help them in their pursuit? Sounds odd to me. But hey, don't take any chances for love. That would not be fair? or is it? I mean, you ARE individuals. You are NOT married.
Question 4. (Leaving one relationship to be with another)
Depending on the situation, No...may said
That's the persons choice...said others
Yes. How can someone just up and leave?
Considering the fact that you don't have all the info, might not know the situation, and that a person can choose to do things without explanation; I think the expectations we have aren't far fetched, though I do think that when those expectations aren't in some way honored that we should not be so disappointed. We want to have some control, we want to know all the whys and hows for the most part if we can right? We want things to make some reasonable sense in our own minds. And if it happened that way it would suck, it would hurt, c'mon now keep it real, i know. Still, that person IS an individual. They are NOT married. So, "come what may", I say. Don't let it take your life away.
Question 5. (oppressive, possessive, cooperative)
"Definitely possessive" hahaha
"I don't know, but oppressive sounds soo baaaad."
"I think most relationships are good. at least the ones I've seen"
The current state. Ummm, well, what we do know is that the divorce rate is the highest ever, but this isn't about marriage. You're absolutely right, but that relationship does start somewhere right. OK then. So what does an oppressive relationship look like? It may be the type that affects either persons life where their personality and character changes to something they truly are not. Sometimes the "relationship" affects others in a way that friends or family, work, school or whatever ends up being sacrificed at the expense of the particular "relationship." Basically in truth the relationship just is not healthy.
A Possessive relationship is the "my girl", "my boy" type deal. The "I belong to you/ you to me type thinking" As if this person really does. Again, as Christians, looking at this as God might; why do we place "so much" value "in" this person to the point that they no longer stand next to other valued things but instead supersede them. The attachment that happens is not likely how God intends, if it is really examined, the intimacy, the so called "right to", hold, touch, talk to, think about this person in a way that you act towards or allow another to act towards you; because you two are a "couple now". Or maybe you ARE just two individuals. That are NOT married and should not act as such.
A Cooperative relationship is one that runs like freeway lanes... same direction, side by side, sometimes it merges but then separates again, has a place to pull over for rest or fixing and has exits that allow cars to get off or join...they parallel. A cooperative relationship must remain in there individual state "working together/ with one another". What it's not is a joining or crossing of paths like many believe it to be. They cooperate; not consummate!
Question 6. (describing a relationship status)
What does "Being" mean?
Just Together? I don't like the way that sounds.
I think courting is the best method, it's biblical.
Dating for sure. What courting doesn't sound right.
Because I cannot fully elaborate without going into speech mode, I'll do my best to make this section quick and to the point.
Let's talk about BEING: Me being me, you being you, us being us. Its a good things to BE. We can BE together without losing ourselves. Not basing the relationship on what you "do" or only who you are together but simply that you want to, like to, can BE; and choose to "BE".
What if you're JUST TOGETHER: Much does not differ from being. You acknowledge that you two have chosen to have a relationship with one another; just as all people do. You've stayed far from labels that begin to mold that relationship to an idea too commonly known to be something that is pure and without outside influence as much as possible. They do not want to be defined by some unclear label that is not unique to themselves. Rather, they are alright with simply being, JUST TOGETHER.
If you're going to call yourself to be COURTING. Understand that this is a biblical principal from the Word of God, not ancient culture. Culture changes but God does not; nor does His Word. Commitment to the end goal, the preparation, once ready and able. Involves family, community, and accountability; TIME. Not necessarily a formal structure, but there is a way that a Man must go about pursuing a woman and guiding the relationship they are going to have. With guidance as he and she maintain what is already in place and have mutually agreed to. This way if things are not as anticipated, there is a healthy deciding and a healthy breaking of what is being pursued without feeling damaged. It is wise, steady and clear and should not be taken so lightly; likewise it should not carry the burden of force or complete obligation as if it cannot be broken.
Last and least of all. DATING. What is dating anyway? Getting to know someone? Naw...you can do that anyway...Preparing for marriage? Not really, it's too fluid for that... Finding out if things will work out? UUhhgg, that's a horrible way to find out. You should probably know first....Or is it just the only known and most common term we have for two people in a "relationship"? Well if that's the way the majority do it right? Wrong! Christians are suppose to be the minority. Do things different. Just because it's "Christian Dating" doesn't make it any better, nor any different. We can't even come to common definition of the word. People get confused by it. Coffee date, friend date, man date(ridiculous), intimate dating, dating around. COME, ON, PEOPLE! What's this really all about? Dating is a form of exchange, money for time, time for emotion, emotion for care... etc... etc... etc... sometimes it's heavier than thought, sometimes it's not...The word itself can generate different thought and emotions in people...A guy wants to take you on a date(nothing to serious), the girl hears the word date and is years ahead thinking about what marriage might be like... See the problem; And vice verse... Plus , the word dating also can come with expectation, a form or ideal type of feelings, passions, disgust maybe. And it often leads to exclusivity of the two who are dating. A recipe for disaster, because we all know, two people aren't THAT strong. HA! dating. I personally hate the word for all that it is and means...(it's become personal; I refuse to do it)....So the question is? Is there a better way? Probably. What do we call it? You decide? How do we do it? Unmarried relationships, that is?
according to the majority answers on this survey...this is just an example....sounds like
"its not wrong for a guy to pursue a girl in a relationship, because she's committed, and no, all is not fair in love, although it would not be wrong if that person left the relationship to be with another, the state of the relationship is possessive anyway, yea, and they're only dating!"
How does that sound to you...try it for what you chose and see how that sounds. So what's the right answers then.
Glad you asked!
I don't fully know. But it is not and cannot be the way it's been going. I know it'll never get perfect. But what is the Body for? and I mean the Body of Christ! I'm asking for Your help. When will men be men? Because I want to be a better man. When will women stop falling for crap. Probably when men start being men. If we're single, we're all in unmarried relationships, and I think we need to handle them better, we need some guidance. There's too much on the line. We're talking about my Life! I ain't gone play with it, you shouldn't either. Learn to love each other, I mean really love one another, molding and sharpening each other. I can't even do that because most exclusive has replaced community. The entitlement we feel, what means we care, how long until we are "in love" and all that jazz. We've got to be more careful. God will make us really stand out if we really are and want to be different. The choice is up to us. Let's continue to explore these things.
THANK YOU FOR READING. I HOPE TO LEARN FROM YOU AND POST MORE. EXPLORE MORE... sorry if it was long...I get excited sometimes..hahah...so until the next post...Live To Be Known...Live To Make Christ Known!
Showing posts with label Surveys. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Surveys. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Monday, August 15, 2011
A Survey on Un(married) Relationships- How Do You See It? {PT. 3}
What I'll be doing here is an analysis of the survey...I (AM) looking to make a point. What I am (NOT) doing, is to try and draws conclusions as if I've got all the answers. This was meant for fun, this was done in fun, have fun with it. Agree, disagree, write your own analysis, make sure to comment, follow if you dig my style and help support ya boy in a quest to always keep it real and stir things up.Now, as one of my favorite Disney movie quotes would go, "Leeet's Do This Thing!".....(who can tell me what movie that is ay?) trivia question!
I loved the reactions from this survey. I specifically had couples do this survey too. Discussions began at lunch tables and in the fellowship hall. I felt like I had accomplished my mission.
When it comes to analyzing this survey what you need to know is that the questions were specifically ordered so that each would be hinged on the previous. For some, it caused people to seem as if they were contradicting themselves in their answering, but that's not entirely true because all people have their reasoning, right? Well, that's what I would like to explore. There is a reason that the answers are the way they are. There is also a reason why the questions are left open ended with no explanations or situational attachments.
I for one do not think that they are necessary for answering (at least i this case). I caught some flak from people who were upset about having people answer questions as if they're black and white answers; they wanted to know how far the relationships were because it mattered to them and background info about why someone would do what was on the survey. Claiming that they could not or would not make a judgement call based on lack of or faulty information.
On the contrary I see people make judgements, say things and answer questions based on little to no information daily. The hard part about this survey is that people are pulled in and faced with answering and being confronted with some (what has been described as) hard personal questions. I mean, if you keep from imagining these as extreme situations then it does sometimes. These things happen in real life. You'll fill in the blanks for yourself. But, it happens, and if it does, you will, have to answer the question.
Let me define an unmarried relationship. There are many definitions. But, here we say that a relationship (kept in context) is: two individuals who choose to have some form of connection to one another.
Question 1. (about a man pursuing a woman in a current unmarried relationship)
Some would argue that doing this doesn't respect the other guy or the girl...
Some say "its not a sin, and not necessarily wrong, even if they don't like that...
Some say "go for it, you may be better, she may need/want something else....
Well, the decision IS hers; to reject the guy, say she has a man, or actually talk to him. Why must there be a weight on a girls shoulder to not, when it's her right and freedom to make her own decision. And for this other guy, why should he care who she's supposedly with? What if he actually wants and cares for this girl more. He doesn't have the right take that chance? He does not have to care about the other guys feelings. In the end, people will do what they want, that's why men and women cheat. What if, just what if? Men and women kept it real, made a decision, stuck to it and were truthful about it. They ARE individuals, they are NOT married... So why can't you accept it, or maybe we should ask. Why can you?
Question 2. (about two people in a (UM) relationship being...?)
Some would argue that two people are bound by their word to each other.
Some say that they are committed because they "chose" one another.
Some say "hey, not married equals single to me; at least when it's all said and done"
So let's keep this in line. As Christians, if we are looking at this from a Biblical perspective, as God may see it, what would we say. Are two unmarried peoples bound to each other. I think not, so I'll cancel that out. When we think of commitment, to whom are we committed. God? or this other person? and in what way. To edifying one another right? to helping, praying for, ministering to? To Timothy "a young man himself" Paul said instructed him to act towards young ladies like sisters in all purity...Although we as people commit to one another for many different reasons. As believers it comes out of love; you know the two greatest commandments , which should come from our commitment to God and His Word right... So would God say that two, unmarried, with a relationship are single? or committed to one another. Maybe they ARE just two individuals; that are NOT married. Are they single? You decide.
I WOULD LIKE TO TAKE THIS TIME TO THANK YOU FOR READING AND PARTICIPATING....THE LAST FOUR ANALYZED QUESTIONS WILL BE FOUND ON THE LAST AND FINAL POST!
HOLLA!
I loved the reactions from this survey. I specifically had couples do this survey too. Discussions began at lunch tables and in the fellowship hall. I felt like I had accomplished my mission.
When it comes to analyzing this survey what you need to know is that the questions were specifically ordered so that each would be hinged on the previous. For some, it caused people to seem as if they were contradicting themselves in their answering, but that's not entirely true because all people have their reasoning, right? Well, that's what I would like to explore. There is a reason that the answers are the way they are. There is also a reason why the questions are left open ended with no explanations or situational attachments.
I for one do not think that they are necessary for answering (at least i this case). I caught some flak from people who were upset about having people answer questions as if they're black and white answers; they wanted to know how far the relationships were because it mattered to them and background info about why someone would do what was on the survey. Claiming that they could not or would not make a judgement call based on lack of or faulty information.
On the contrary I see people make judgements, say things and answer questions based on little to no information daily. The hard part about this survey is that people are pulled in and faced with answering and being confronted with some (what has been described as) hard personal questions. I mean, if you keep from imagining these as extreme situations then it does sometimes. These things happen in real life. You'll fill in the blanks for yourself. But, it happens, and if it does, you will, have to answer the question.
Let me define an unmarried relationship. There are many definitions. But, here we say that a relationship (kept in context) is: two individuals who choose to have some form of connection to one another.
Question 1. (about a man pursuing a woman in a current unmarried relationship)
Some would argue that doing this doesn't respect the other guy or the girl...
Some say "its not a sin, and not necessarily wrong, even if they don't like that...
Some say "go for it, you may be better, she may need/want something else....
Well, the decision IS hers; to reject the guy, say she has a man, or actually talk to him. Why must there be a weight on a girls shoulder to not, when it's her right and freedom to make her own decision. And for this other guy, why should he care who she's supposedly with? What if he actually wants and cares for this girl more. He doesn't have the right take that chance? He does not have to care about the other guys feelings. In the end, people will do what they want, that's why men and women cheat. What if, just what if? Men and women kept it real, made a decision, stuck to it and were truthful about it. They ARE individuals, they are NOT married... So why can't you accept it, or maybe we should ask. Why can you?
Question 2. (about two people in a (UM) relationship being...?)
Some would argue that two people are bound by their word to each other.
Some say that they are committed because they "chose" one another.
Some say "hey, not married equals single to me; at least when it's all said and done"
So let's keep this in line. As Christians, if we are looking at this from a Biblical perspective, as God may see it, what would we say. Are two unmarried peoples bound to each other. I think not, so I'll cancel that out. When we think of commitment, to whom are we committed. God? or this other person? and in what way. To edifying one another right? to helping, praying for, ministering to? To Timothy "a young man himself" Paul said instructed him to act towards young ladies like sisters in all purity...Although we as people commit to one another for many different reasons. As believers it comes out of love; you know the two greatest commandments , which should come from our commitment to God and His Word right... So would God say that two, unmarried, with a relationship are single? or committed to one another. Maybe they ARE just two individuals; that are NOT married. Are they single? You decide.
I WOULD LIKE TO TAKE THIS TIME TO THANK YOU FOR READING AND PARTICIPATING....THE LAST FOUR ANALYZED QUESTIONS WILL BE FOUND ON THE LAST AND FINAL POST!
HOLLA!
A Survey on Un(married) Relationships- How Do You See It? {PT.2}
The demographics of those I questioned do not reach beyond my campus really. All unmarried young men and women, all professed believers/followers in Jesus Christ, and Bible school students with a single digit percentile of those being affiliated with the school. Ages range from 17(early bloomer) through 26. (mostly 18-23 because of the demographic.)
Now we get to see some answers. Who will be revealed first. Guys of course, I 'm sorry for the stereotype but I assume that ladies read blogs far more than fellas....So here you go ladies.
The total number of single men
103
Question 1.
No - 55 [53%]
Yes - 48 [47%]
Question 2.
Single - 21 [20%]
Committed - 79 [77%]
Bound - 0 [0%]
Omitted - 3 [.03%]
Question 3.
Yes - 13 [13%]
No - 90 [87%]
Question 4.
Yes - 20 [19%]
No - 82 [80%]
Omitted - 1 [.01%]
Question 5.
Oppressive - 10 [10%]
Possessive - 62 [60%]
Cooperative - 28 [27%]
Omitted - 3 [.03%]
Question 6.
Dating - 78 [76%]
Courting - 14 [14%]
Being - 3 [.03%]
Just Together - 3 [.03%]
Omitted - 5 [.04%]
The total number of single women
125
Question 1.
No - 71 [57%]
Yes - 52 [42%]
Omitted - 2 [.01%]
Question 2.
Single - 23 [20%]
Committed - 95 [77%]
Bound - 3 [.015%]
Omitted - 3 [.015%]
Question 3.
Yes - 20 [16%]
No - 103 [82%]
Omitted - 2 [.02%]
Question 4.
Yes - 23 [18%]
No - 100 [80%]
Omitted - 2 [.02%]
Question 5.
Oppressive - 9 [.06%]
Possessive - 66 [53%]
Cooperative - 45 [40%]
Omitted - 5 [.01%]
Question 6.
Dating - 98 [78%]
Courting - 15 [12%]
Being - 6 [.03%]
Just Together - 2 [.05%]
Omitted - 4 [.02%]
The total percentile of total male and female young adults
228
Question 1.
No - 55%
Yes - 44 %
omit - 1%
Question 2.
Single - 20%
Committed - 77%
Bound - 1%
omit - 2%
Question 3.
Yes - 14.5%
No - 84.5%
omit - 1%
Question 4.
Yes - 18.5%
No - 80%
omit - 1.5%
Question 5.
Oppressive - 5.5%
Possessive - 56.5%
Cooperative - 33.5%
omit - 4.5%
Question 6.
Dating - 77%
Courting - 13%
Just Together - 3%
Being - 4%
omit - 3%
So there are your numbers...Wonder if as a Christian you fall into the majority or one of the minority mindsets...bet you also wonder how people on the street would compare in answers huh? well maybe I'll get to do that this semester...but think about how I answered this, because I made it, we'll talk about all that in the next post....until then...
Now we get to see some answers. Who will be revealed first. Guys of course, I 'm sorry for the stereotype but I assume that ladies read blogs far more than fellas....So here you go ladies.
The total number of single men
103
Question 1.
No - 55 [53%]
Yes - 48 [47%]
Question 2.
Single - 21 [20%]
Committed - 79 [77%]
Bound - 0 [0%]
Omitted - 3 [.03%]
Question 3.
Yes - 13 [13%]
No - 90 [87%]
Question 4.
Yes - 20 [19%]
No - 82 [80%]
Omitted - 1 [.01%]
Question 5.
Oppressive - 10 [10%]
Possessive - 62 [60%]
Cooperative - 28 [27%]
Omitted - 3 [.03%]
Question 6.
Dating - 78 [76%]
Courting - 14 [14%]
Being - 3 [.03%]
Just Together - 3 [.03%]
Omitted - 5 [.04%]
The total number of single women
125
Question 1.
No - 71 [57%]
Yes - 52 [42%]
Omitted - 2 [.01%]
Question 2.
Single - 23 [20%]
Committed - 95 [77%]
Bound - 3 [.015%]
Omitted - 3 [.015%]
Question 3.
Yes - 20 [16%]
No - 103 [82%]
Omitted - 2 [.02%]
Question 4.
Yes - 23 [18%]
No - 100 [80%]
Omitted - 2 [.02%]
Question 5.
Oppressive - 9 [.06%]
Possessive - 66 [53%]
Cooperative - 45 [40%]
Omitted - 5 [.01%]
Question 6.
Dating - 98 [78%]
Courting - 15 [12%]
Being - 6 [.03%]
Just Together - 2 [.05%]
Omitted - 4 [.02%]
The total percentile of total male and female young adults
228
Question 1.
No - 55%
Yes - 44 %
omit - 1%
Question 2.
Single - 20%
Committed - 77%
Bound - 1%
omit - 2%
Question 3.
Yes - 14.5%
No - 84.5%
omit - 1%
Question 4.
Yes - 18.5%
No - 80%
omit - 1.5%
Question 5.
Oppressive - 5.5%
Possessive - 56.5%
Cooperative - 33.5%
omit - 4.5%
Question 6.
Dating - 77%
Courting - 13%
Just Together - 3%
Being - 4%
omit - 3%
So there are your numbers...Wonder if as a Christian you fall into the majority or one of the minority mindsets...bet you also wonder how people on the street would compare in answers huh? well maybe I'll get to do that this semester...but think about how I answered this, because I made it, we'll talk about all that in the next post....until then...
Saturday, August 13, 2011
A Survey on Un(married) Relationships- How Do You See It? {PT.1}
OH THE JOY!!!
Can you tell that I'm a lil excited about this?
Right off the bat I've got to tell you how I'm thinking to go about this.....I've got the numbers factored for the survey, Split up by question and by gender. Ive got the numbers for each, including the answers I had to omit, and the percentage of what that is. I would have made some type of graph for you all but I haven't done much of anything with this since last semester ended. (If I get extra time I'll make up a graph alright.)
Now the last survey I did had three parts and a few people said that that was too long. I don't care though, so however many parts this take will have to do. That way I can do a few broken up post rather than one super fricken long one...So How should we begin...Ahhhhh, OK.
I'll show you the survey and you can take it yourself if you'd like to right now...
Then we'll follow with post 2 on the numbers in short and then post 3 on some philo/social/psycho/anthro.....pology type business. (that's actually the best part-that's why it comes last).
Please remember that this whole survey is about "UNMARRIED RELATIONSHIPS"... so don't ask me questions about them, my answer will be "They're not married!" (that's the basis of it all)
How Do You See It? A Survey (choose one answer for each)
1. Is it wrong for a single man to pursue a woman in a current unmarried relationship?
Yes No
2. Two people in a current relationship are?
Single Committed Bound
3. Do you agree with the statement, "All is fair in Love & War"? [sidebar: "&war" wasn't the original survey]
Yes No
4. When a person in a current relationship leaves to be with another are they wrong?
Yes No
5. Which best describes the current state of most relationship? (as you see them)
Oppressive Possessive Cooperative
6. How would you describe a relationship status?
Dating Courting Just Together
THERE YOU HAVE IT....HOPE IT WAS FUN....SEE YOU ON THE NEXT POST!
Can you tell that I'm a lil excited about this?
Right off the bat I've got to tell you how I'm thinking to go about this.....I've got the numbers factored for the survey, Split up by question and by gender. Ive got the numbers for each, including the answers I had to omit, and the percentage of what that is. I would have made some type of graph for you all but I haven't done much of anything with this since last semester ended. (If I get extra time I'll make up a graph alright.)
Now the last survey I did had three parts and a few people said that that was too long. I don't care though, so however many parts this take will have to do. That way I can do a few broken up post rather than one super fricken long one...So How should we begin...Ahhhhh, OK.
I'll show you the survey and you can take it yourself if you'd like to right now...
Then we'll follow with post 2 on the numbers in short and then post 3 on some philo/social/psycho/anthro.....pology type business. (that's actually the best part-that's why it comes last).
Please remember that this whole survey is about "UNMARRIED RELATIONSHIPS"... so don't ask me questions about them, my answer will be "They're not married!" (that's the basis of it all)
How Do You See It? A Survey (choose one answer for each)
1. Is it wrong for a single man to pursue a woman in a current unmarried relationship?
Yes No
2. Two people in a current relationship are?
Single Committed Bound
3. Do you agree with the statement, "All is fair in Love & War"? [sidebar: "&war" wasn't the original survey]
Yes No
4. When a person in a current relationship leaves to be with another are they wrong?
Yes No
5. Which best describes the current state of most relationship? (as you see them)
Oppressive Possessive Cooperative
6. How would you describe a relationship status?
Dating Courting Just Together
THERE YOU HAVE IT....HOPE IT WAS FUN....SEE YOU ON THE NEXT POST!
Monday, November 29, 2010
The Survey (Pt. 3)
So here is my final thought to this blog series on The Survey....questions like what? and why?
lets just get to it. try to keep up, I'll try to keep this orderly...this part of my analysis is based on things I've observed, inquired, studied, and seen or heard...and there will be a better analysis later...just bare with me please.
First I loved the reactions that I got from all the ladies when i asked this question...I'm quite sure i had the same few from all hundred plus with exception to those I could not see or hear, aka e-mail. Some were silent, puzzled, thrown off guard, and the more than often and occasional "Wow..ummmm" (haha).....I'm sorry, i know that's not funny, but I remember.
Also some were having trouble answering the question. so i asked another to help; "are you close with your father/dad?"; some said "yes", more said "kind of", but most said "not really"...just a side note
As it comes out for some of the ladies that had the answer "I don't know" they also said that they don't think that they've ever experienced love like that, or even seen an example of what love is from a man. This to me seemed to be the most tragic truth....because, if you've never had a man love you, show you what love is, what it means to be loved; If that has not been exemplified from your father to mother, grandpa to grandma...or even pastor to his wife. then how are girls, young women and women to know?...more crucial, how are boys, young men and men suppose to know...
I do believe that throughout time as we've grown to a most fatherless generation (one of physical, emotional, spiritual and mental absence; or rather overemphasized presence) that there has been an affect on life to the point that we have become ineffective in our instruction...Even as believers and followers of Christ.
Most of these ladies would say that their relationships with their fathers have shaped their view on what love is and what it means and looks like;some did not think so... with how they identify that a man loves them. either with ways that they have or have not been loved. Influenced by movies, books, friends, parent(s), self thought, or the ways that the world has defined these things....and always searching for this thing
although women say they know that men think, feel and are different than they are...they fail to recognized or identify what that looks like in many ways. Some accept a man's faults because "no body is perfect" but unfortunately they've been somehow blinded by their desire for love, longing and to not be alone and most of all ignorance (though not applied to all but a maybe)....
some men use what they have, charm, words, actions, money, respect, pride, leadership in their pursuit of a "particular one" because we actually DO love the chase. The catch is a lil different for some though. some do what is necessary to get you because it feeds the pride of a man toward another accomplishment. especially one that give the kind of return that comes with a woman...(don't let me lose you) I'm talking about comforts that are emotional, mental, physical and nurturing...some are looking for moms and not for wives....
why? because just as much a women cant identify authentic love, men don't know it either and therefore are not only deceived but deceive in their ways of pursuit... but that's get into dating! and i also have some view against that idea...haha...we can get to that in later days tho....back to the survey.....
Lets examine a few things..
To truly have and know the grace of God, the sacrifice of Christ and gift of the Holy Spirit.
To live in community with one another loving each other, practicing walking out our faith, iron sharpening iron, discipleship, mentoring, instruction in righteousness.
Bottom line to cut this short is that I cannot tell you what that exactly looks like. I'm looking to find out myself. But it is not what i see here at MBI, (respect to the exceptions) (dont think you are one though), for the most part, alot of us have got it wrong and need to stop, take a step back and examine ourselves... in our pursuit, in our perspective, in our beliefs, and in our faith. Just because we are Christians does not mean that we do or have been doing it better... there is more to say...more will be said...but this is the first and tip of the ice burg
We need to ask God to teach us how to love. how to be prepared. and before you guys say you do. before you ladies think they do. Know Just What That Means and Looks Like!!!!Please
The emeny is looking to distract us in any way possible. especially through our own relationships that sidtrack us from being fully used by God and especially with the intent that we came to Moody w as single persons...and ou know it...i pray you all blessed, and your relationships. but also that God breaks anything in your life that may hinder or distract you from Him, including you relationships...be mad if you want to...
I truly do have thought toward our ideas of dating relationships. for two sides, courting, preparations for marriage. we will talk more. some of us have... we need to be better...we are called to act and look but most of all BE DIFFERENT!.....hope you enjoyed the first of my surveys. let me know if you'd like to see more and about what!
Living to Be Known...That Christ May be Known Through Us....Romans 16:17-20
lets just get to it. try to keep up, I'll try to keep this orderly...this part of my analysis is based on things I've observed, inquired, studied, and seen or heard...and there will be a better analysis later...just bare with me please.
First I loved the reactions that I got from all the ladies when i asked this question...I'm quite sure i had the same few from all hundred plus with exception to those I could not see or hear, aka e-mail. Some were silent, puzzled, thrown off guard, and the more than often and occasional "Wow..ummmm" (haha).....I'm sorry, i know that's not funny, but I remember.
Also some were having trouble answering the question. so i asked another to help; "are you close with your father/dad?"; some said "yes", more said "kind of", but most said "not really"...just a side note
As it comes out for some of the ladies that had the answer "I don't know" they also said that they don't think that they've ever experienced love like that, or even seen an example of what love is from a man. This to me seemed to be the most tragic truth....because, if you've never had a man love you, show you what love is, what it means to be loved; If that has not been exemplified from your father to mother, grandpa to grandma...or even pastor to his wife. then how are girls, young women and women to know?...more crucial, how are boys, young men and men suppose to know...
I do believe that throughout time as we've grown to a most fatherless generation (one of physical, emotional, spiritual and mental absence; or rather overemphasized presence) that there has been an affect on life to the point that we have become ineffective in our instruction...Even as believers and followers of Christ.
Most of these ladies would say that their relationships with their fathers have shaped their view on what love is and what it means and looks like;some did not think so... with how they identify that a man loves them. either with ways that they have or have not been loved. Influenced by movies, books, friends, parent(s), self thought, or the ways that the world has defined these things....and always searching for this thing
although women say they know that men think, feel and are different than they are...they fail to recognized or identify what that looks like in many ways. Some accept a man's faults because "no body is perfect" but unfortunately they've been somehow blinded by their desire for love, longing and to not be alone and most of all ignorance (though not applied to all but a maybe)....
some men use what they have, charm, words, actions, money, respect, pride, leadership in their pursuit of a "particular one" because we actually DO love the chase. The catch is a lil different for some though. some do what is necessary to get you because it feeds the pride of a man toward another accomplishment. especially one that give the kind of return that comes with a woman...(don't let me lose you) I'm talking about comforts that are emotional, mental, physical and nurturing...some are looking for moms and not for wives....
why? because just as much a women cant identify authentic love, men don't know it either and therefore are not only deceived but deceive in their ways of pursuit... but that's get into dating! and i also have some view against that idea...haha...we can get to that in later days tho....back to the survey.....
Lets examine a few things..
- Genesis 1-3.......God's design for men and women, sex and marriage
- 1 Corinthians 7......husband and wife instructions
- 1 Corinthians 13.....Attribute/characteristics of LOVE
- Ephesians 5......husband and wife relationships
- Song of Song.....marriage, bridegroom, bride, intimacy
To truly have and know the grace of God, the sacrifice of Christ and gift of the Holy Spirit.
To live in community with one another loving each other, practicing walking out our faith, iron sharpening iron, discipleship, mentoring, instruction in righteousness.
Bottom line to cut this short is that I cannot tell you what that exactly looks like. I'm looking to find out myself. But it is not what i see here at MBI, (respect to the exceptions) (dont think you are one though), for the most part, alot of us have got it wrong and need to stop, take a step back and examine ourselves... in our pursuit, in our perspective, in our beliefs, and in our faith. Just because we are Christians does not mean that we do or have been doing it better... there is more to say...more will be said...but this is the first and tip of the ice burg
We need to ask God to teach us how to love. how to be prepared. and before you guys say you do. before you ladies think they do. Know Just What That Means and Looks Like!!!!Please
The emeny is looking to distract us in any way possible. especially through our own relationships that sidtrack us from being fully used by God and especially with the intent that we came to Moody w as single persons...and ou know it...i pray you all blessed, and your relationships. but also that God breaks anything in your life that may hinder or distract you from Him, including you relationships...be mad if you want to...
I truly do have thought toward our ideas of dating relationships. for two sides, courting, preparations for marriage. we will talk more. some of us have... we need to be better...we are called to act and look but most of all BE DIFFERENT!.....hope you enjoyed the first of my surveys. let me know if you'd like to see more and about what!
Living to Be Known...That Christ May be Known Through Us....Romans 16:17-20
The Survey (Pt. 2)
So now lets talk about some of the answers that I've received, unfortunately i will not distinguish between many of the older and wiser versus the younger; but maybe you will, and in this case simply because across the board most answers related in the same ways. This part 2 will be directly about the answers, so hopefully i can keep this shorter than most of you actually want it to be. (That would just be way to much writing.)
First let me say I admire all those who answered this question with "I don't know" rather than trying to make up a good sounding answer.
i will use some answers to be a summation of corporate answers that sounded different but meant the same. simple right.... OK
the only thing is that there were 3 instructions....
1. no general answers (be specific)
2. no explanations (straight answers)
3. case sensitive (your personal answer for yourself)
Here we go.......
Still the questions begs to be answered why there are so many answers and how do women come to these conclusions of what it means for them to be loved and how they know. Is there a better way? a sure way? a Biblical way?.......i asked the same question....
stay tuned.....
First let me say I admire all those who answered this question with "I don't know" rather than trying to make up a good sounding answer.
i will use some answers to be a summation of corporate answers that sounded different but meant the same. simple right.... OK
the only thing is that there were 3 instructions....
1. no general answers (be specific)
2. no explanations (straight answers)
3. case sensitive (your personal answer for yourself)
Here we go.......
- By loving me like Christ loves the church.
- He tells me
- Sacrifice
- Pleased to serve me/bless me
- Time
- Consistent Character
- I would be able to discern (I'd just know)
- When I trust him
- Physical affection
- Perseverance with me
- He'll need me
- He'll want me
- He will continuously pursue me
- he will be bold
- paying attention to me
- Leave em alone (waiting until I'm ready to give an answer)
- taking his time
- putting me first and my cares and needs before his
- taking time to listen and invest in my life
- his company
- doing the small things
- when he studies me
- not his actions (first proof of trustworthiness and faithfulness), then choosing me and that's it. only me*
- wanting to spend the rest of his life with me
- through expressions of love
- he will be interested with me
- willingness to sacrifice everything (everything)
- dignity
- he'll back up his words with actions
- actions
- view me in the eyes of God
- he'll take care of me
- having integrity in private and public
- treats me as Christ would- spoiled
- loving me when I'm not lovable
- respect
- time to get to know me, what I'm like and who I am
- it's something he'll constantly work at
- He will love God, won't lead me into any sin, and protect my heart and his*
- pursuit even after he has me
- respect with interest in my life and my family also
- initiating time and interest
- not passive
- with my difficulty and manipulation and problems, he'll still persevere w/ me
- treating me Biblical
- Loving God more than me*
- how much he is willing to do to have me
- by how much pursuing Christ matters to him*
- patience*
- in Christ,cherishing me, building up and challenging me
- time with me over other people
- respecting my authority, i.e. going through my father, being dedicated to the Lord and accountable to other men*
- through his words
- choosing to lead, committed through faithfulness, I'd be a priority
- wont intentionally hurt me
- he will assure me
- putting my relationship with the Lord above mine and his*
- when he asks me to marry him
- understanding who he is in Christ first and who he is suppose to be before pursuing me*
- build himself and me spiritually, emotionally, physically and mentally*
- willing to die for me
- not based on image or shallowness but inner beauty
- written encouragement
- sharing the same passions
- effort in communicating his love if he really loves me
- support
- sincerity, saying it after an extended period of time as a friend, after knowing me, then saying it genuinely
- choice to even in struggle
- I don't think there's any way to really know
- when i can experience God's love through him
- if me being happy makes him happy
- because I'll never have to ask
- all about me....(The Queen)
- considerate of my time, needs, respect, honors my opinions and feelings, a relationship of mutual accommodations*
- prays for me daily, thanks God for me, leaving no room for doubt that I'm the only one for him, anticipates, considers, seeks, supports me in all areas*
- makes me smile inside and out
- trying his hardest not to lose me
- provides, protects, and devotes time*
- actions speak louder than words
- he is eager to introduce you to friends, family as well as meet yours
- He gives you his Name*
Still the questions begs to be answered why there are so many answers and how do women come to these conclusions of what it means for them to be loved and how they know. Is there a better way? a sure way? a Biblical way?.......i asked the same question....
stay tuned.....
The Survey (Pt. 1)
Say what you will but this is just an analysis of things I have seen, heard, or witnessed during my time at MBI...
Somehow, this semester has had much to do with relationships, love, marriage and dating as a subject that has not only been taught, preached and inquired of, but also talked much about within the halls, dorms, outside areas, around our campus and in conversations between most of us (students) around the city.
Intrigued by all that i had seen and heard so far, after watching many "couples", "relationships", these young men in "pursuit" of these young ladies and these young ladies who unquestionably long to be "pursued". I became curious of a few things that I wanted to examine further. This survey is a result of one of those things. This is the beginning....
As a young man who watches people, I often wonder "what are they thinking?", "why would they do that?" just like most people do. (What can I say, I'm an individual)...but as I thought to myself I also wondered if I would go about such things the same way...Of course not right! Yea, that's what most of us would say. Without going into a rant on my own life and personal experiences, lets just say that I believe that many young men and women are misguided and unprepared for relationships; Christians and non-Christians alike. I asked myself whether or not our pursuit of women are done in the correct manner and whether or not desire, interest, or intention was enough. Is Love enough? and do we or should we love this "particular one" before we do pursue her. How, when and why?........ right?
But then I had to step back and look and said, "what about them, are they ready?, are they ready? to be loved? to be led?.... Do they even truly know what Love is? and if so, How do they know that a man Loves them?
I then asked maybe 10-18 ladies at my school the question, "How do You know, that a man Loves you?" Needless to say i heard no answer the same. Thus my curiosity was agitated and I could not shake the idea that "maybe they've never thought about this" or "maybe they don't know" and Yes this, this was the beginning of my survey. I decided that maybe I should write these down and try and see from their perspective, to generate thought within them, so I and they too would search to see, look to find out. What it means to be loved by a man. and How? what exactly does that look like? and is there a right answer? well stay tuned and we'll see what we get.
Just so you know, I've surveyed well over 120 women...Mostly from my school campus, some on the L-train, buses, here in Chicago, back home via email and phone call. The majority age range for about 85% fall between 18-25, one 17yr old, and the rest, we'll just call older and wiser. No this was not a professional survey, it just kinda came together. but I did it, and now I'm writing about it. All answers are anonymous. But I'll share a few things I've heard along the way...
This can not be overlooked. I hope to generate thought and talks about this so that we might be prepared better and seek out to better prepare ourselves, young men and young women. because our "idea" of things just might be off right now... but I'll let you decide.......stay tuned...
Thanks to all the ladies who daringly agreed to take this survey even before they knew the question...you've helped me more than you know. and yourselves for that matter...I Hope and Pray!
Somehow, this semester has had much to do with relationships, love, marriage and dating as a subject that has not only been taught, preached and inquired of, but also talked much about within the halls, dorms, outside areas, around our campus and in conversations between most of us (students) around the city.
Intrigued by all that i had seen and heard so far, after watching many "couples", "relationships", these young men in "pursuit" of these young ladies and these young ladies who unquestionably long to be "pursued". I became curious of a few things that I wanted to examine further. This survey is a result of one of those things. This is the beginning....
As a young man who watches people, I often wonder "what are they thinking?", "why would they do that?" just like most people do. (What can I say, I'm an individual)...but as I thought to myself I also wondered if I would go about such things the same way...Of course not right! Yea, that's what most of us would say. Without going into a rant on my own life and personal experiences, lets just say that I believe that many young men and women are misguided and unprepared for relationships; Christians and non-Christians alike. I asked myself whether or not our pursuit of women are done in the correct manner and whether or not desire, interest, or intention was enough. Is Love enough? and do we or should we love this "particular one" before we do pursue her. How, when and why?........ right?
But then I had to step back and look and said, "what about them, are they ready?, are they ready? to be loved? to be led?.... Do they even truly know what Love is? and if so, How do they know that a man Loves them?
I then asked maybe 10-18 ladies at my school the question, "How do You know, that a man Loves you?" Needless to say i heard no answer the same. Thus my curiosity was agitated and I could not shake the idea that "maybe they've never thought about this" or "maybe they don't know" and Yes this, this was the beginning of my survey. I decided that maybe I should write these down and try and see from their perspective, to generate thought within them, so I and they too would search to see, look to find out. What it means to be loved by a man. and How? what exactly does that look like? and is there a right answer? well stay tuned and we'll see what we get.
Just so you know, I've surveyed well over 120 women...Mostly from my school campus, some on the L-train, buses, here in Chicago, back home via email and phone call. The majority age range for about 85% fall between 18-25, one 17yr old, and the rest, we'll just call older and wiser. No this was not a professional survey, it just kinda came together. but I did it, and now I'm writing about it. All answers are anonymous. But I'll share a few things I've heard along the way...
This can not be overlooked. I hope to generate thought and talks about this so that we might be prepared better and seek out to better prepare ourselves, young men and young women. because our "idea" of things just might be off right now... but I'll let you decide.......stay tuned...
Thanks to all the ladies who daringly agreed to take this survey even before they knew the question...you've helped me more than you know. and yourselves for that matter...I Hope and Pray!
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