(Legacy Tribute)... A Look into Perspective

This is a song about remembrance. Because the things we remember are special to us. The people we remember are dear to us. The moments we remember are eternal to us. That's how I especially feel about my grandparents. Words can't express. If you know then you know, and if you do not know it's ok. I'm sure that you have gained in an area of life that I cannot relate. But I understand, and I can still touch your heart strings.

There are people in life who we encounter that just, "stay". They're the parents of our friends, our family, strangers that we talk to in line at the dollar store and the blatant honesty of children asking us to make sense of our loaded statements.

Life is good. The gift of Life brings us together to experience spectacular chemistry. It can come from anyone and can happen at any time. It will leave its mark. We will remember it, it becomes a legacy. Your Legacy, My Legacy, Our Legacy.

Live that way. That's "Living to be Known"

Heart for Home ft. Shawn Martin, BJ , Valet Del Roy

Thinking About It 2 - Valet Del Roy

Knowledge?

I think the best definition of "knowledge", that I have ever read from a dictionary would be: 'the sum of what is known'. Of course that 'sum' may vary, in all cases we are more or less knowledgeable than another. It's a trip to think that from some point of for someone out there, life begins at the "know". Not talking about a form of consciousness. I can't say that I've discovered any new understanding or wisdom, you see, I'm sure that I think too much about many things all the time and communicating helps me see what is actually there. So here is what I know. Man cannot know all that which is known. I learned that from King Solomon. Then from apostles and yes, I learned from Jesus, God Himself.
Bold words!...yea I know. "If you got it you got it" some like to say. haha.
Anyway, Solomon was the wisest man to ever live, but Jesus, Jesus is the wisdom of God. So I got to thinking some more right. Jesus is Emmanuel = God with us! My definite Bible believing, God fearing acceptance of this truth (no one needing to agree) won't allow me to agree with anyone else but him on Most things in life. So what am I saying? ... I'm trying to get there.


Jesus, Son of God, Son of Man, Lord, Messiah said, "“I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father but through Me." (stick with me here)


Knowledge, to know the known, that which is... (The Truth?)
Beginning - End, How-Where, What-Who, When, Why...(The Way?)
From life comes life, to know, the way to life is life?...(The Life?) 


Hmmm... Life.


life begins with and ends with God, God, eternally existing, the source of life. Being the "know", possessing the "know" we obviously cannot attain. We don't even fully know ourselves. I learned this from King David.


We all yearn to know. To be known even. I believe this is what god did with creation, creating so that all existence, especially man, might "know" Him.


Now one can only wonder of what they do not know. And of what they do know, whether or not it is truth. But the beginning of knowledge and wisdom is the fear of the LORD. (reverence of, acknowledgement of, respect of, fear of God.)


 I came to a point that I HAD TO confess to know nothing, al so that I might discover what is known (the know), that knowledge could be found. So in conclusion, we have not and can not attain knowledge: "the sum of what is known."


Such is a great endeavor of man that faith can only satisfy.
Jesus is the Way, the Truth, the Life.
Who shows us the Father, who sends the Spirit, who seals us.
Sealing for us ... knowledge.
Knowledge not being God, but found in God, where my soul finds rest.
From all fear unknown.

The One

This can turn into a sermon, a teaching, a curriculum, a novel even. So don't do it. Especially because I'm not right now either, but I might. So cut me some slack and don't steal this one. Get it, 'this one', because I titled my post "The One". hahahahaha .......... man I crack myself up. Anyway, let me get this out. Ecclesiastes 3:11 says "He has made everything appropriate in its time. He has also set eternity in their heart, yet so that man will not find out the work which God has done from the beginning even to the end." (scroll down)










I think about relationships all day


For all that I am knowledgeable of and connected to


My relationships


Like a web that I am at the center at, I spread 360 degrees


It's straight, it's bent, it's boxed, it's flat


and all come back to me


My relationships


And something... always... is the closest... it... could possibly be


But all I want would be The One that centers these with me


I am never found alone, when even darkness finds its home, among the space where nothing roams, but lonely it can be


so when it has come down to this


The One becomes my need


In the eyes of all I see this plain as if a mirror placed in front of me is clear your face is what I see how can I see myself in ev-ree-ba-dee that I see when they're not me I only long and look for you where I see me you see my eyes they beg you please reveal yourself so that I see what lie beneath will match that hollow point which leaves me in my grief please be THE ONE!


My relationship.


Heart beating rapidly


Breathe not attached to me


Breathing won't produce peace


For this is how the soul rages


Causing the life to reach and cling


To relationship.


A web is not a road, it's oblivion


A road is not life, at the end from beginning


And this is not the way


The truth is that life is eternal .... ly


God


From my beginning


Death has been with me


"I'm looking for life", I say


but all you keep doing is mocking me


My Relationships.


I realized again you're not The One


The friend, lover, sister, brother, mother, other and EVERYTHING...


I looked again


"you, are not me."


"I'm looking for life" you say


"you, are not... me."


...


"give up" I heard


This came from not my web (lol)


I looked 360 degree and all of them still there


My relationships


"Which one of you have spoken, will you come out in the open, please move closer to this center fill this empty space with me"


Still nothing


Not one connection to my web tugging


"give up" I heard


I knew immediately. "The One"


"It's you, you are the one."


"please come and take this grief, please tell me this could be, who are you I can't see you, who are you,..."


"are you me"


Silence came to me.


then all so suddenly he said


"I AM THAT I AM"


"I AM"


" THE ONE"


....is He. not her. no thing.  not me.

Many Skies

I saw many skies today


They stare, standing at one of them


and families gather families to this Lake


Walking's and holdings
They're coming and going


Just passing it by


Some uncontrolled volume like ripples in time, move backwards to the place where the pebble declines


The sun's blaring yellow,
It spread to a purple
Proceeding from melting of orange


Thank You God for the many skies I see

3 Weeks Back!!!

Three weeks back of old bro ties and hi fives
Three weeks back were long hug holds and good byes

Three weeks back settling dust left untouched
Three weeks back kicking up dust as a must

Three weeks back was facebook, phone talks and Skype calls
Three weeks back and most ain't heard a word from me at all

Three weeks back handling problems tryna solve them
Three weeks back explaining how I even got them

Three weeks back working loving my job
Three weeks back working to try to get a job

Three weeks back rehearsing getting ready to act together
Three weeks back ready to keep my act together

Three weeks back and it still feels like Three weeks back
Three weeks back is hard to feel the Three weeks back

She Is Not A Dream

She stood there
Rail gripped, big lips steady pokin out
Tattoo on the foot, what I'm talkin bout
Curly hair, Thick and black
Big bubble glasses to match it
Grey top wrapping top figure
For a moment I gave thought that I could get her since
Her facial expressions kept flexin when my eyes turn to meet her
Because my hope  is just to please her so that I could catch that smile again
Daydreaming
Mist of thought caught floatin in the wind

Eclectic in her style
The beauty of those big blue eyes behind clear lenses
Her dark hair compliments
Spots of tattoos and presence of past piercings
Damn, she's sexy
She rocks the hair well
No nail polish, no Amish in her bloodstream
No smile either
Good thing it was a daydream

Blonde hair though I call it brown
Green eyes sometimes take on a tint of brown
But she'll turn red when the sun smile at her too long
And she cant help but smile
That ponytail is so swell
I caught a whiff of fragrant shampoo I think
And I am satisfied
Because she is not a dream

At starbux charging my phone.

Whenever it's been a while since I've posted I feel like I should write some long memoir to update you on what's been going on in life between the last time you heard from me and now. But that just isn't the case here. I don't have to say anything. So why have a blog anyway? Hahahahaha....

It gives me the option and choice to share. So, things are fine. 11days. Too short. Coming quick. Going to the Aquarium today. Cool. Not enough time for everyone. Don't know how to go about this. But Jesus said. No worker puts his hands to the plow and then looks back. Gotta plan, gotta go, gotta do it. that's it. See ya'll soon.

LOVE.

HEBREWS 11:3

Stories should bring truth to life.
Do they bring lies to life also?
Is it that the truth can only e revealed and a lie exposed?
What if, the end of mans discoveries only led us to see that we do NOT! discover at all, but in fact are TOLD what is?
The use of words.
Powerful indeed!
Oh...
Ooohhh....
...
Wa- ...woooooooow
We know that no mere object can speak, can tell, and use words.
What if, the end of mans discoveries only led is to see that no story could be told without words?
Otherwise, what life could there be for us?
What truth could possibly be know?
... well it couldn't.
Neither could there be God
But. Rather.
God created, life, to reveal truth.
That He is.
That we are.
Product of His Word.

By faith we understand that the worlds were prepared by the word of God, so that what is seen was not made out of things which are visible. Hebrews 11:3

Something About Justice

* Wrote this back in March. Not posted because of recent judicial events but because of the time I had to go back and read what I wrote myself. I hope someone(anyone) can feel this and reflect the same. So here you go.

WE THINK WE UNDERSTAND JUSTICE
AS IF WE HAVE A RIGHT
TO SAY WHO'S WHO
AND WHAT'S WHAT
WHEN IT'S WRONG
AND IF IT'S FAIR
LIKE, WE'RE NOT THAT BAD

LET ME REMIND YOU
NO ONE IS RIGHTEOUS, NO NOT ONE
THAT'S WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS ANYWAY

AND I WISH I COULD APOLOGIZE FOR ALL THE LIES AND DECEPTIONS WE'VE BEEN TAUGHT SINCE OUR BEGINNINGS
BUT I CANT
BECAUSE I'VE DONE MY FAIR SHARE OF MESSING THINGS UP MYSELF
YES, ME.

YOUNG BLACK MINISTER, TEACHER, PREACHER, POET, MENTOR, CHRISTIAN
SINNING,  EX-POTHEAD, FORNICATING, LUSTFULLY THINKING, ANGER FILLED, CURSE WORD TALKING, RULE BREAKER, THIEF, MURDEROUS (THOUGH NOT CAUGHT OR CONVICTED), LYING, TOBACCO SMOKING, ALCOHOL DRINKING...

CHRISTIAN

BECAUSE SOME THINGS STILL CREEP IN THERE
AND I DON'T HAVE TIME TO LIST ALL MY SINS
AND I PROMISE I'LL GET MAD IF YOU DISTRACT DURING my POEM
EVEN THE LOOKS ON SOME FACES CAUSE ME TO JUDGE YOU
BUT I THINK YOU MIGHT BE ABLE TO RELATE

BUT THAT'S WHY I SAY "WE THINK WE UNDERSTAND JUSTICE"
BUT WE COULD BE THE CORRUPT JUDGES OF THE WORLD
WE OFTEN AREN'T CORRECT
BUT EVERYBODY SINS RIGHT?
THE WORST THING IS THAT WE ADMIT IT, JUST SO WE CAN LEVEL THE PLAYING FIELD AND DEFEND OURSELVES.
SO IF I'M THE JUDGE THEN WHAT IS GOD?

INNOCENT PEOPLE DIE, GOOD PEOPLE GET HURT, BAD PEOPLE GO FREE, AND WE... WE THINK WE GET IT...WE DON'T
BUT WHO ARE WE TO JUDGE WHAT GOD IS IN CONTROL OF?

GUILTY MANKIND WHO REJECT THE ONE WHO'S RIGHT
WHO KNEW WE WOULD FALL, BUT OFFERS US A FLIGHT
WHO KNEW WE WOULD KILL SO HE OFFERED HIS LIFE
WHO KNEW WE'D HAVE TROUBLE SO HE CHOSE TO SAVE US
WE REJECT HIS FREEDOM AND THE PATH HE MADE FOR US
WHO GAVE US A CHOICE TO TAKE THE STRAIGHT ROAD
INSTEAD WE TAKE TURNS AND SHORTCUTS BECAUSE WE CRAVE CONTROL

WE WANT IT ALL, BUT GET MAD WHEN IT'S KEPT FROM US
WHY SHOULD GOD TRUST US
HE DIED FOR US
BUT WE ACT LIKE WE'VE HAD ENOUGH
WE ACT LIKE IS WORD IS A BLUFF
WHAT IF HE LEFT US TO JUST-US
CHAOS WOULD BE A MUST!

BUT NO!

...ONE WORD - JESUS
FOR RULE BREAKING HEATHENS
...CONSEQUENCE OF DEATH
BUT WHO TOOK IT - HE DID!

THAT'S GRACE INSTEAD OF BEING CRUSHED

THAT'S LOVE

THAT'S JUSTICE

Wrote this for you to see.

No not you......

You.

Your opinions are just as strong. Your statements are just as passionate. To not care is funny to me. Most times we may say we don't care at all. But sometimes its just that "I don't care about what you got going on. This is meaningless, because it's meaningless to me." Which is a form of care, at least for self. Self preservation, well, sorta. So if we back out, stop, let it go or whatever, we are making bigger and louder statements than we know. Because it's still a choice. We choose to continue for a reason, and to stop for a reason. Bottom line is. Your opinions are just as strong and your statements just as passionate. You just show it different.

I wrote this because I knew you would see it. Just for fun, just because, smiling the whole time. I know its not serious, and that you don't care. I know, I know. Let it go already. hahahahhhahaha

I Have A King

I very wonderful thing has happened to me.

It happened at a moment I never seen coming.

I knelt down because my legs were weary and was seeking some relief, if but for a second.

Quite appropriate, really, once I thought about it.

But back to that moment.

I was in the "kneel" position.

And all at once was reminded that a King stood before me, and that I belonged to Him.

God, Himself , stood before me.

And I remembered who I was and what I was.

Delroy Martin, Jr. : A Minister of the Gospel


I have a King! His Name is Jesus!

A Vulnerable State of Being

While sitting by the river reading, I watched as a young lady passed by walking a three legged dog. The dog had no front right leg. In a moment I wondered whether that dog was better off with three legs hopping on the first down this walkway; or better off having been put down at the time it lost its leg instead?

Then I thought about the scriptures that say it is better to enter heaven with one hand or one eye than to burn in the lake of fire with the limb that causes on to sin.

Next I thought about the homeless or those wounded who are missing limbs. How do they feel?

At times I feel spiritually, emotionally or mentally disabled as if a limb or few are missing. Jesus, being my hope for life, salvation, and restoration, does that make me better off? If it makes me just as vulnerable, maybe so! Such dependence gives us a blessed assistance, and with Jesus, a blessed assurance.

Behind His Eyes...pt 2

The logic of people who have hard times astounds me. In most cases I find them much wiser than those who have not faced as much (probably from the lack of having to constantly assess the decisions they've made and situations they've been in and through).

This man went back to talking about the job he worked in catering, at a time when, things were good. "You know what I don't understand?" he said "I don't get how people can have so much money and the things they do with it. Check this homie. I did this party for an 11yr old girl. Her parents bought out the whole place. Had to drop at least a hunid thou on it. They were showing pictures of all the places she had been. Israel, Australia, Africa...She had pictures with pyramids. Hawaii, Europe. All these places she done been. SHE ONLY 11. I ain't neva been out the country. Bro! I was in a tuxedo, standing at a kiddy bar, servin shirley temples, juice and soda." He leaned back and gave me that 'can you believe that sh-' ...face. and then he continues...

 "And he was Jewish. Man they have it good. Have you ever known a poor Jewish person? I mean right now today, do you know any?" And then he waited for my response. Now I don't know any poor Jewish people, not poor like I've seen or would consider poor anyway. My Bible and history knowledge would kick in at this moment filtering through all that God's people have encountered since the calling of Abraham and the beginning of Israel, ancient Israel that is. And so I just shrugged and shook, "no". Which he commenced to continue, now that my answer satisfied his train of thought.

 "... That right. Because their God's people. God said he was always gone take care of them...Man! What I wouldn't give to be one of His people. They not gonna live like this. That's crazy. And after all they done been through, can you believe it. God chose a stiff necked people to be his. To take care of and never turn his back on." WHOA! Is all I could think. Did he just really say that. What a theology of love and grace! And I'm pretty sure he didn't intend to make such a profound and plain statement, truth. But still he continued, not knowing that in the moment all my attention peeked.

 "A stiff necked people is what the Bible says. Man, they gotta good. And for some reason they got the money too. Man I wish God would bless me like that. I could do so much good with that. But that's the difference, they take care of theirs but we don't take care of ours. But that's how it should be done. If only God would bless me like that. I'd go buy a bunch of these vacant and condemned lots in our neighborhoods and start rebuildin', do somethin good for the community and give people some jobs. I'd call my peoples that are struggling and tell em, 'here's some work homie, Ima start you off at $11.50 here, so you can feed your family homie. And I'd go around and make sure to take care of my people you know..."

 At that moment my train had pulled up. I didn't want to go but I needed to get to work and was trying to figure how to end this conversation and move along without seeming disrespectful or awkward. So I nearly cut him off "I feel you brotha, I do. This is my train man." "Ah, oh, ok" he said. And as I stepped away I nodded in approval and with encouragement and patted over my heart twice.

 He returned the gesture and kept walking on. The train pulled off just as I was sitting and I half fell into my seat. I watched him approach another person as the train pulled off and all I could think to myself was "a stiff necked people."

 That whole time I hadn't mentioned one word about Jesus, even though it would seem that it was the perfect setting and opportunity for witnessing. But I don't feel bad about that, naw. God's word or plan in this man's life cannot be hindered by anyone or anything. What did happen though, is that I was able to see and hear this man very clearly. Some real life struggle, desire, and the logic behind his rationalizing. But whatever is truth or lie about his situation is really trivial in this case. The most important thing for me was that I saw a deep longing to belong to and be blessed of God. No matter how much he knew of the Bible (I do not know), but whatever it is in life he desires, deep down I know that it's a longing for a God who can give him peace. and that's what I seen, Behind His Eyes... something we all long for.

(since I've seen him three time. same story at all different times of the day or night. And whether I believe it at this point or not does not matter. I gave every time I had, simply because I hope one day he realizes that in the midst of his present situation. God has been blessing him.)

WHAT!?

I guess this past week I've really come to appreciate eating again. Last week my wisdom tooth darn near paralyzed me to the point that I had to call and go in to the dentist. (If you know me then you realize how big of a deal that is). Well, of course, the tooth was infected and I've been taking antibiotics for the past seven day now. This tooth is getting yanked out tomorrow! And knowing that I may not be able to eat anything solid for a few days is depressing. It actually makes me want to eat more. With that I reflect: Two weeks ago Tony Evans talked about the infected tooth he had on a cruise that hindered him from enjoying his time and eating. I completely felt his pain as I shook my head chiming in with groans and amens under my breath, haha. The issue arises in the form of problems; the surface problems that we feel the affects of and the actual issues that are the root causes of our felt pain. The sermon was actually about knowing Christ and he illustrated the armor of God in such a clear and profound way...Last night I watched the movie Flight with a roommate of mine, it's a great movie. this morning I watched a matinee movie - Side Effects, also a good movie. The themes of lying and consequences and root causes and the pains that result as the symptoms are intense (If you pay attention and look close enough to see and discern). God speaks, His conviction and words come in ways that I don't always understand and so many times don't even realize. And although I'm thinking deeply and examining things of life, there is a clarity and a slight fog that is subtle and settled. Rather odd I think. Not confusing. It's like shadows that emerge from the fog slowly becoming revealing as you prematurely try to figure the object and form of what is about to emerge. That's some good imagery, right? Like in the movies, hahahaha. So whats the whole point.

Well, I'm just thinking about the pain that drives us to question the, probably already ignored conviction, root causes that makes us respond in truth and have to deal with the consequences. I want to be successful, that is, loving God, speaking truth, loving others, living well and with integrity. Right now I question what the coming days will reveal and result in. We have no idea where God is leading us sometimes and what will become of us. I struggle, I mean, really struggle. I trust God, but not you. Because you refuse to see who I am "in Christ." You judge my symptoms that come from the struggle with sin and don't understand, see, nor recognize the root of salvation in believers. You think Christians, look like, and sound like, [this]. Whatever this means? And unfortunately I began to despise the way you see life, because we're suppose to be the same and I don't understand how you got to that. Aren't you also "in Christ"? Well, then, remember, "he who has eyes to see" see, and "he who has ears to hear" listen. and maybe we'll find ourselves sitting in the same seats. or maybe next to one another. but I doubt it.....Now that's a riddle.

Snippets

I can hear it, and so I sit to write lyrics, its been a while a while now
Dealin w/ crap alot lately, there goes a pile
It's crowded in my brain like a parade, stretched for miles
Pretty vile no empathizing for my fragile heart

The eyes from across said "I think you're OK"
Accompanied by a smile, enough to make my day
From hard moments, a moment from my moment of torment
In an instant I become more grateful

Noise equals silence, I think better in a crowd
When you speak to me directly, sometimes, I drown it out for the noise
But the problem, I look you in your eyes and I repeat
Each word you said, I get annoyed, you asked because you're annoyed

I guess, that it's impressive to look at your reflection
Realize that you should deal with the confession
Learn a lesson
Strive to make change, choose repentance, new direction
I guess, then its impressive when you see how it's reflected

I couldn't, understand inspiration from another
I lost it, the day I was released by my mother
Felt there's no confiding in my sisters and my brothers
Prayed God bring it through, like I've seen you do many others

Thoughts by the Thousands

I'm not depressed.
I am very much alive.
I recently asked someone if they thought I was saved. "i don't know." was the response. OW! But that's OK. or is it?
I love watching movies; in theatres. matinees are best because they're cheap. It's a wiser way to spend. It includes relaxing & rest.
I like eating, I'm glad that I get to eat free at work. it saves a lot of money.
I need a new phone. I think I'm finally going to get one this week.
Those were just thoughts. Thoughts that took thirty seconds. All day long we think thoughts of things. I would guess thousands. So why do I always think about the day I might die?
I don't want to know how or when or why but I think about it.
Don't think ahead of me. Your questions are of no use right now because I'm jsut saying.
What will the next 6 months bring.
How will I pay for school, when will I get to return.
Will I get married. Will I leave a widow.
How am I going to eat if my teeth keep braking and disappearing. (what woman marries a toothless man at 25? lol)
What do people REALLy think of me. I don't care, I don't trust them.
Why can't I explain this burden.
I know not what God has instore for me. Some say great things. Ha! The fact that you say makes me want to leap in pride, and thus be crushed by God like Job, except without the double portion in the end.
What if I end up homeless. Would I be too prideful or defeated to get/seek/accept help.
I want to disappear. (true thought) but I can't. I love you too much to do it.
I don't want to be in the spotlight. Or a leader. I'd like to be invisable, naw, just less noticed. But my make-up disagrees.

hahahahahah. I'm tired of thinking. I'm tired of talking to you.

If you read this. Don't mention it. This ones not open for discussion. The thoughts keep going. I don't have enough space to write.

A Strange Thing, This Lonneliness.

It is, a hard but true reality of the amount of loneliness that pervades my generation. So thus, as such, I feel compelled to write here.

It is a strange thing to be known by many, only by name of course. This sense of full engagement with no participation drives me to sorrow often. It's a weird form of rejecting the very thing that one desires. I do think alot of the foundations are the same but the outworking, the response, the reactions definitely become distinct.

I've been a watchful observer for quite a few years now. I've had "friends" tell me how cool we are and how down we are and even more. In these moments I hardly take them serious. Why? you ask. It's simple really. I don't trust you. I value loyalty to a fault, yet I only seek to be such, and really don't expect it. Especially when I see some of these "friends", going out, hanging out, playing sports, collaborating, calling, texting, eating and meeting together; all, without me. But I knew this already. I don't really like cliques. I often don't voice how this feels in certain moments because I hate guilt trips or any unnecessary attention (subjectively speaking). So once I'm seen or it comes to light that it's of notice, I [finally] get an invite, or an excuse. So instead of taking that (this) invite, I'll gladly refuse. Because it's about the principle really. I'm driven to stick to myself now.

I pay attention. Really I do. I love my people. It's true. So I give it all, I sacrifice, I bend over backwards just to be around. Because I believe that there are things more important that being selfish; people need people.

So, you, yes you my..... friend. I know you. I see you. I see through you not past you. Because that smile I see when we greet may be genuine but I kept looking as you past me. I watched your face fall. No!....it's not every case but I feel you sometimes. Because I watch you, all of you. And I feel you, but you don't feel me, you don't see me. My mask is covered by a mask and a mask of masked that are coated with layers of deception. And I can only be me but sometimes I have to ask, "who am I?" or better yet. Who am I right now. But today I'm pretty sure I've already been three versions of me, characters fit for moments that I'm pretty sure I wan not faking. OH! How confusing right? Yea, I feel that way to.

That's why I think it's a strange thing. All these beautiful women before, wanting and longing to be seen, to have some attention in a crowd of blind binoculars. Even more these young men, unlearned and un-led in what to look for, how to see or how to love. The most unfortunate thing is that these young men crave attention just the same. So we do, act, and show out for the attention of somebody, especially these ladies. And I must be the worst of all, because I want them all. and knowing I don't need this burden I fight. Yes, i fight for you. Because I'd rather be alone than to woo your hearts and fail you. And I think I'm pretty good at that no matter how you praise me.

This is a sad day for the Church. Such a lonely Church. Not all of us but way too many.

It is a strange thing to be known by many, only by name of course. This sense of full engagement with no participation drives me to sorrow often. It's a weird form of rejecting the very thing that one desires. I do think alot of the foundations are the same but the outworking, the response, the reactions definitely become distinct.

I pay attention. Really I do. I love my people. It's true. So I give it all, I sacrifice, I bend over backwards just to be around. Because I believe that there are things more important that being selfish; people need people.

So, you, yes you my..... friend. I know you. I see you. I see through you not past you. And I must be the worst of all, because I want them all. And knowing I don't need this burden I fight. Yes, I fight for you. Because I'd rather be alone than to woo your hearts and fail you. And I think I'm pretty good at that no matter how you praise me.

It's a strange thing, this loneliness. I wonder how Jesus felt.

I don't understand Love

A conversation that almost turned argument got me to thinking: why can't we agree that we do not understand "Love." It really does not matter which type of love that may be because it is the essence of "love: that we truly cannot grasp. Before you get ideas about what I'm saying or how you feel, let me add some context to how my conversation with a good friend brought us both to ending it on this idea (not understanding).

This is simple, I stand  behind my point that "love is a choice." My friend says that though love "might" be a choice, love is actually more than that.

Now I could but I will not elaborate much on all that my friend said so I'll try to stick to my own argument, which will probably be sporadic, and I'm sorry if it becomes hard to follow, but I'm kinda thinking on a blank page right now. The truth is that i DO NOT understand love. try to examine with me. maybe a study will come and Ill add all my biblical references. but for now lets just - vent.

God chose to love us

God chose to create us and love us all the same

God is love but love is not God? (God shows us perfect love, we understand it through Him, so when we look at God we should see love even though we don't understand. But, because we don't fully understand love when we look at love we may not see God.)(God = love, but does love = God?)

I can choose to show you love or not to. Even if I felt like I did not chose to love you, if I do not act upon it than is it still love.

Love is not a feeling but with love comes feeling.

If you loved me then why can I chose to reject it. being that

Love is not insane or illogical and Love is not unfair. (we see love through broken lenses and
sometimes through broken hearts and hurt feelings and seemingly shattered dreams we conclude that love is or can be cruel, but if we look to things Biblical, God has been restoring and piecing together the picture as a complete thing. A perfect view that can only be understood by seeing the love of God in Christ through the Holy Spirit.)(and if God is the standard of love and has done it perfectly then love is logical and fair and very sane.)(His thought and ways are beyond ours or our understanding.)

Jesus commanded us to love, doesn't that signify that he wants us to chose to obey him and isn't loving God being obedient to him and it says that there is no fear in love because perfect love cast out fear. (so why are we afraid to love.)

We distort love and use it falsely which in reality is not love at all.

What I do know is that through Christ and the cross and the Resurrection that I came to understand just a little of what it means for God to love us, and having loved me in such a way that I should love the same, although my ability to love perfectly is not possible in this flesh.

Can unbelievers love? how about if they marry under the covenant of God, which is obedient, and never cheat or divorce? have they loved each other or even God?; even if unknowingly?

Being made in Gods image gives us the capacity to do certain things, how great may depend on whether or not you are "in him."

Originally we were made in his image and likeness. with sin we lost the likeness. in Christ we are conformed back to his likeness and able to love like he does, to some capacity. maybe?

So did God have to love us? Some say yes! others say no!
All I know is that God is in control and that He chooses what's happening and if all we know about the beginning is that God created (faring that he chose to) then all I can understand is that he also chose to love his creation; and that in every act, whether we understand or not, he continually is expressing his love which was complete in Christ. And that Is a love I do not understand. (As far as i can understand God, that is.) but as for myself, I did not use to love, i thought I had but truly had not, now I strive to truly love in a way that was only exemplified by my Lord. Choosing to to Love God and others through sacrifice and death to self for the sake of Christ name and the edification of the Body. Pointing you to the love i only know being that GOD LOVES YOU! if only you would chose to receive it and then [chose to follow], and thus love in the same.

but i don't know. If you do, I'd appreciate some help on this. or at least some thoughts. because at the end of the day I have to throw up my hand and confess. Maybe I just don't understand love. But i still think it is a choice.