(Waiting)...A Look into Perspective

"The spirit is willing but the flesh is WEAK!"...

Oh, some of us know the saying all too well. And some of us, even further know the meaning. I wrote "Waiting" to express the difficult struggle I was going through to try and avoid sex, wait for marriage and the failure of it.

Youthfulness is a beast, ain't it?

It was hard enough coming into the understanding of  what sex exactly was, what it meant and how to go about about it; especially, as a kid who spent much more time talking to other kids about it than adults. But, boy oh boy Whoda Knew what was going to happen once IT Happened. And like many others, it happened much too soon.

Years later, about the age of 20, I ended up on a 5yr - hiatus from sex. Along the way I also, was just again, after about 7yrs of rejecting it, trying to find my place in life as a young Christian man, I mean, backslider, no wait I mean, seeker/religious/rededicated... forget it.

My wayward self was looking intently for Jesus. And with all I had known about the Bible in mind, I said, "I'm waiting."...""Ima wait on, The Lord!"... ha, that ain't this, ok. The two don't go together.

Then I wrote the poem, 3yrs later broke, had sex again, then recorded the song.

Here's what came of that. I asked myself, what am I waiting for exactly? A wife? Permission to have sex? Sex free of guilt?.... I kept feeling like something was wrong with the fact that my focus was on "waiting!" Waiting was such a distraction. I'm thinking about avoiding and trying to keep from sexual advances...hmmm...and so how am I suppose to manage that. Every thought a sex block but because it's a sex block it's constantly in my face. And I'm the one putting it there more often than not. Because it was my focus and distraction all at the same time (And I'm not saying to practice chastity or to abstain from extramarital is any problem. I'm a fan of that.) But not if your focus is on "waiting" for sex in marriage rather that living the best life you know to with all that you've got. Because marriage and sex in marriage are amazing things to look forward to. If only someone had communicated it sooner in a way that prepared me to properly manage these things. And I'm sure someone tried to tell me even though I can't remember.

Needless to say, I stopped waiting and I'm done waiting, not because I'm back into the lifestyle of sexing women, but, because my focus isn't on waiting to love, be loved or have a regular. Rather I enjoy the idea of just living. Living my life and not waiting for something I don't know. I like what I do know. I'm Living to be Known, known for taking action to obtain what I want in my relationships. I'm much better off. I'm too busy living to wait for that day.

I prefer waiting for food I order, things I buy being shipped and people who I wish didn't but continue to preserve CPT... LOL... oh, wait, I be on that too sometimes.