Monday I talked about dating for a few minutes. I've spent the last few days talking with as many people as possible about dating and views on relationships. Also I've done a bit of research online. It's 2016, weed out the extreme cases and you find patterns and threads. The information is pretty exhaustive so I'm going to do my best to shorten that. If you're ready for me to start this conversation then read on. If you are not ready to hear it, especially from Me, well read on anyway because I love you.
I'll write a book on this one day and it'll be so fun.
Now, on to Dating!... in short.
Let's define dating for everyone right now. This is not "your views" on dating, your parents/your friends/ your culture/ nothing. I'm going to use the dictionary, the universal shut-up to all of us right? I don't know why I wrote that. Here is Merriam-Websters definition that I'm using:
date -"a person with whom one has a usually romantic date" or
dating - "to go on usually romantic dates" as in plural to the single date.
or
date - "an arrangement to meet between two people usually with romantic feeling for each other" or dating - "to go together regularly on romantic social engagements"
There! After almost 10 years of not acknowledging dating as a real thing, I just did it. I just want to thank my mom(lol), all my family and friends(lol), my supporters, my haters(lol) , and anyone who ever (lol) doubted me (lol) or said I couldn't do it. This ones for you. (*applauds everywhere)
So for all of you out there who think You can tell Me what You Think "dating is for you" is, or anyone else for that matter, just know that I'm going to hit you with this definition before I run it and apply it. Cause I'm a beast at this OK. Get at me bro! hahahaha(you know who you are).
There's always been a definition. So what the heck is going on in the world. Somebody's been telling us lies I think. Oh, no?Well let's find out then. Im gonna need your input then, OK? Don't wait too long.
So I am not against relationships. I love them and we need them. So to be clear, relationships CAN be defined, and are in fact defined. They are characterized by their state of being, i.e.: we are family, we are friends, we are engaged etc etc... These are the state of relationships... BUT DATING!
Aww man. That's a state of doing... two people are not "the date", the date, is what two people DO.
And this becomes my problem.
Do you think that your relationship (civil union, engagement, marriage) will be birthed out of and solidified based on simply doing things together. Notice I did not say living life together. You don't date your friends or family, yet you do things with them.
Based on the definition of dating it is clear that the motive is not actually establishing a relationship. But participating (usually) in romantic engagements.
There is nothing that actually suggest making any long term commitment, establishing exclusivity, seeking marriage, (my very best) getting to know someone, or building trust. There is so much I can say, but i hope you understand this. There is no binding, no ownership, no possession and no hidden motive in dating. Let's do something! That's all right? other than the romance part. The romance based on fiction stories from the middle-ages. Rephrase: Let's have some ideal love affair, adventure, or be my hero for a moment please, can we do that? And usual the results are: "yes" lets date and often more than not "no, we're not dating anymore." or "we're dating, but I don't know if we're friends or lovers, because we're definitely not engaged or married."
And there is so much confusion in not actually having a relationship with someone you may be doing so much with. Thus some become friends who become sexual, or strangers. Maybe lovers who can't seem to become friends. Maybe strangers who can't seem to become either, but just like what they do together. But a relationship? I still can't call it.
You can't only be single when you're not dating, or engaged or involved. You are quite literally "Single" until your married or in a civil union. The LGBT community understand this, and this is why they fight for "Marriage Equality"... So what makes anyone think otherwise? And don't get me started on "us Christians". Maybe in a separate post.
There is no: more than a friend less than a spouse but something like a lover relationship. And i know your brain is probably screaming, "WELL WHAT THEN?"
...Biz Markie yall! aha.
of course that's for Monday's post. Stay Tune. Engage.
oh yea, some links to help you start you dating research... let me know have fun.
http://www.pewinternet.org/2013/10/21/online-dating-relationships/
https://coffeemeetsbagel.com/blog/index.php/dating-statistics/big-data-seeks-online-love/
http://www.stageoflife.com/StageHighSchool/OtherResources/Statistics_on_High_School_Students_and_Teenagers.aspx
https://www.quora.com/What-percentage-of-college-graduates-have-never-had-a-romantic-relationship
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