I Have a Problem!

Yesterday, I spent a great amount of time walking from room to room, looking up, down and through the very measures of my apartment. I sprayed, wiped, swept and furnished the basic areas of each room with what I could afford within my small budget. I looked over my lease agreement again, and thought about how I need to hurry up and get these utilities switched to my name so I could get some hot water round this piece(lol). This is my place, I have two roommates, I have a job, I pay my own everything, we'll have no TV and no internet from now through August. I like that idea. God is so good to me. I am in listening mode right now and I am ready for my Lord to instruct me.

This past Fall semester of school was difficult. The worst I've had since I left home. Today marks the third year of that date, January 5th, 2010. I'm not going back to school this up and coming semester. I am currently on an intermission (break) status with high anticipation to get back to school to finish off my last year beginning again next Fall. But, right now, let me stop.

I have a problem. An internal conflict of the will. No, I am not speaking of sin, although that is a reality for all of us. The problem is that I am free. Completely free in Christ. I have been completely freed by Christ. I could fill in this blank white page with worries, anxieties, uncertainties and unsurities, be that of money, relationships, plans and aspiration, ministry, safety, failure or success. I can't though; because I'm free.

I rest at a standstill. Things are simple and quiet. "I'm actually taking a break." I've never done this before. I don't know what to do because I want to do so much. I should't though, I can't, I won't. God said so. Otherwise I defeat the purpose of all of this. I have a problem.

I can do this. always could have. Never have... Do you understand my issue. I need you Lord! Help me! Give me wisdom and discernment! Shape me! You called me, I want to be there, guide me to that place and be glorified in it! This has always been my prayer since I was eleven.

This is continuing. And this time, since I stepped of that plane and walked outside into 19 degrees of cold, it truly began. Another landmark.

I set a stone here to be a reminder. Today! The Lord has done a great thing, he is faithful and true, he will be true to his promise.

Pray for me as you may not know what this means. All that I have is His conviction, His Word. I will go, he will lead,they will see. To God be the glory.

I have a problem. I am free. And the Lord God Almighty is my Master.

WOW!