I'm back!... or am I?

Or am I?...... I was wondering the same thing too. Well, maybe.

I am back in the U.S., back in Chicago, back at school. I'm not even saying that mind or heart or thoughts are in Kenya still. Nope. I am fully here. My prayers are with Kenya and the team there, just as they are in Cali and all my loved ones there and in various places around the U.S.

So what am I saying then.

It's the question that bugs. When we were finished going through customs at the airport Natalie's mom and sisters were waiting for us. She asked me a real question. "Are you a changed man?" Well, I told her that I did not know yet. Being back at school already has been a challenge. Not because I don't want to be here but because of the consciousness of things I cannot avoid. As I have begun to reflect on all that happened, I am seeing more than when I was in the middle of it all. And that's what I think is getting to me more.
Because of this I can't, in the moment, say that I am the same. That "I'm back". The dilemma is, that I don't want this to fizzle off and do what is done so frequently, you know the saying "out of sight, out of mind". That's it. Also I am doing my best not to be rude. My mother told me to spend some time alone but school starts back tomorrow. I don't yet want to talk about Kenya to everyone. So my responses are slow and calm as I can be. I just say I'm not ready  to talk, or to give me a few days or that we'll catch up soon. all I know is that I need to be ready for school and work tomorrow despite how I personally feel. Shake of the cobwebs, the dust, and anything else that's on me.

I'm back non the less, I'm back either way.
Or am I?........ um, yes.