Mid-Night Unrest

Wednesday night I went for a walk down to the River by the movie theatre. Often I have to go for walks because they are just that good. Quite necessary for a Cali Kid that's so use to being outside more than he is inside. Boy I tell ya this Chicago weather doesn't know what it wants to do. Today is May twentieth and we're just now finally getting sunlight that has been here since the morning; and will hopefully last throughout the day.

SO what was I saying? Oh yes that's it, Wednesday night...

The river walk closes at 11PM so I am usually leaving there before that time comes. The bench I regularly sit at was taken, not that I'm afraid of strangers or anything because i have no problem sitting next to anybody. Yet this night was not a sitting matter, there was a homeless man stretched out sleeping. So, with an understanding and respect for such a humbling lifestyle I relocated for the amount of time I was there.

(In my mind I go through cycles)
I am always confronted with the desire to to want to help even when I can't or do not have the means. This desire often conflicts with the conviction I receive through the Holy Spirit to those God directly prompts me to bless and those whom I am to not. I AM NO JUDGE! I see people daily here in Chicago on the streets looking tired, hungry, beat-up(literally swollen face and hands), and sick(sores, blisters and mental diseases). And I don't always understand why it is that at times the Lord would have me give to someone who I know will spend it on alcohol or drugs and sometime not to the hungry person who looks sincere to the need. ONLY GOD KNOWS HEARTS. The only answer I have for myself is that God said "him there/her there/that family", that I give for feed. Sometimes it is not about what someone will do with what you give them, but rather that you be God's instrument of loving that one person who may not have been loved that day in any small way without hypocrisy. A simple measure of obedience (that is partnered with discernment) even when you do not agree or understand. And every time I see people struggle, this is the battle I go through as I wait for the confirmation of God's prompting...."How much more do you think my heart aches for those I love and know personally" (And I would reflect on God's Word and how Christ Jesus so cares). 

So after much thinking on life, home, where I at and all the anxieties that come with. I began to walk back to my dorm planning to go to bed. As I crossed Chicago on LaSalle I heard someone calling my name "Yo D-Roc!" When I looked up it was my boy Bryce. "What you up to!?" he said "nuthin what up!?" I say. "Wanna roll?"......"YEP!" and I ran into the street and jumped in the car....Oh, crazy? Not Quite, he was at a red light hahaha.
He had two friends with him and when I asked what was up he said they were looking for homeless people, "seen any?"...."uh, yea, there all over the place."
 Now that may sound insincere to you, but it's not, I promise. Bryce told me that they had bags of food they have been trying to give out for the last half hour at least. We went by the park, no body. We drove through the city a bit, no one. Then we had seen a man with a sign in front of Walgreen's on Clark Street, amen! So we gave him a bag. Next we figured we go to a common local spot where most of the homeless in the city have made a home. Namely, Wacker Drive.
Out on Wacker drvie it was unusual to not see peoples everywhere, maybe the city has been cracking down a bit harder. They have been doing more construction around that area. After a bit of driving and searching we saw a man walking. So we blessed him with a few bags. When we asked him if there were more people down the road he told us where to find them. So we found them and gave to them also. Again we asked if where there were more peoples that we could give to and how to get there from the spot we were in. They told us, so we went. To this end we only had three bags left, and there were five peoples. WE gave to to a couple and the other couple shared. One man seen us but instead of coming toward us to get a bag, he began to walk in the other direction. We talked with one of the couples for a quick minute and shared a few laughs as I think they more so lifted our spirits although I would argue that case often. So as we left, the man who did not receive a bag walked in front of us. I told the other guys I felt bad about not having anything left and if I should give him a few dollars. B told me that was my choice. So I said a quick prayer t determine and the Lord gave me peace to do so. Once we caught up to the man he was fine and nonchalant about not getting a bag. But the I handed him a few dollars, the whole night got flipped upside down. This man, homeless, teeth in the front missing said a humbling thing. "See how God works. When I praised this God took it from me, but when I let go of it, He blesses me with it." After this he began to minister to us. He put down some sound knowledge. I think one would have to be a fool not to listen to the homeless man that has something to tell young men. He shared his story and how he got to where he is at, how he used to think and the fact that his daughter is older than us (which we all laughed about). He said "this generation is dying off, and now you young guys have to be the light. God is going to test you, that's a guarantee, but you stick together and keep shining the light, even though you have sin." So as we walked back to the car and talked, when we stopped to get in he kept going, telling us where he was going and that he would use that money for food. He thanked us and thanked God and encouraged us to keep being spiritual disciples." The man knew the Word, and gave it as it is. That there just made my night...

From there Bryce dropped me back off at campus. When I got upstairs and checked the clock it was nearly 12am... And I laid down with joy, thanking God and also praying for family, friends, school and Church. Yet, for some reason unknown to me still, I could not fall asleep. I lay awake uneasy for two hours tossing and turning and asking God "what's going on here? I'm listening, talk to me." But I was not listening and I did not want to hear anything. Eventually I fell out. And at 3AM I was back up again. I had to be up at 630AM to get to work by 7AM. It only took maybe 30 minutes to fall asleep this time. And I made it through yesterday alright. What I kept wondering is: "How has such a blessed day kept me restless all night?" but maybe I'm just asking the wrong question. Ya think?