The Survey (Pt. 3)

So here is my final thought to this blog series on The Survey....questions like what? and why?
lets just get to it. try to keep up, I'll try to keep this orderly...this part of my analysis is based on things I've observed, inquired, studied, and seen or heard...and there will be a better analysis later...just bare with me please.

First I loved the reactions that I got from all the ladies when i asked this question...I'm quite sure i had the same few from all hundred plus with exception to those I could not see or hear, aka e-mail. Some were silent, puzzled, thrown off guard, and the more than often and occasional "Wow..ummmm" (haha).....I'm sorry, i know that's not funny, but I remember.

Also some were having trouble answering the question. so i asked another to help; "are you close with your father/dad?"; some said "yes", more said "kind of", but most said "not really"...just a side note

As it comes out for some of the ladies that had the answer "I don't know" they also said that they don't think that they've ever experienced love like that, or even seen an example of what love is from a man. This to me seemed to be the most tragic truth....because, if you've never had a man love you, show you what love is, what it means to be loved; If that has not been exemplified from your father to mother, grandpa to grandma...or even pastor to his wife. then how are girls, young women and women to know?...more crucial, how are boys, young men and men suppose to know...

I do believe that throughout time as we've grown to a most fatherless generation (one of physical, emotional, spiritual and mental absence; or rather overemphasized presence) that there has been an affect on life to the point that we have become ineffective in our instruction...Even as believers and followers of Christ.

Most of these ladies would say that their relationships with their fathers have shaped their view on what love is and what it means and looks like;some did not think so... with how they identify that a man loves them. either with ways that they have or have not been loved. Influenced by movies, books, friends, parent(s), self thought, or the ways that the world has defined these things....and always searching for this thing

although women say they know that men think, feel and are different than they are...they fail to recognized or identify what that looks like in many ways. Some accept a man's faults because "no body is perfect" but unfortunately they've been somehow blinded by their desire for love, longing and to not be alone and most of all ignorance (though not applied to all but a maybe)....

some men use what they have, charm, words, actions, money, respect, pride, leadership in their pursuit of a "particular one" because we actually DO love the chase. The catch is a lil different for some though. some do what is necessary to get you because it feeds the pride of a man toward another accomplishment. especially one that give the kind of return that comes with a woman...(don't let me lose you) I'm talking about comforts that are emotional, mental, physical and nurturing...some are looking for moms and not for wives....

why? because just as much a women cant identify authentic love, men don't know it either and therefore are not only deceived but deceive in their ways of pursuit... but that's get into dating! and i also have some view against that idea...haha...we can get to that in later days tho....back to the survey.....

Lets examine a few things..

• Genesis 1-3.......God's design for men and women, sex and marriage
• 1 Corinthians 7......husband and wife instructions
• 1 Corinthians 13.....Attribute/characteristics of LOVE
• Ephesians 5......husband and wife relationships
• Song of Song.....marriage, bridegroom, bride, intimacy

what do all these say about love.... what kind of love. We somehow have attached to word love when we think about pursuit to an Eros type of love...this is only to be between a man and his wife...we need to detach from this... but more so a phileo and agape love that was commanded in the book of Mark 12:29-31...the kind of love in the book of 1 John 4-5 that says one who does not know or have God, does not know or have love....
To truly have and know the grace of God, the sacrifice of Christ and gift of the Holy Spirit.
To live in community with one another loving each other, practicing walking out our faith, iron sharpening iron, discipleship, mentoring, instruction in righteousness.
Bottom line to cut this short is that I cannot tell you what that exactly looks like. I'm looking to find out myself. But it is not what i see here at MBI, (respect to the exceptions) (dont think you are one though), for the most part, alot of us have got it wrong and need to stop, take a step back and examine ourselves... in our pursuit, in our perspective, in our beliefs, and in our faith. Just because we are Christians does not mean that we do or have been doing it better... there is more to say...more will be said...but this is the first and tip of the ice burg
We need to ask God to teach us how to love. how to be prepared. and before you guys say you do. before you ladies think they do. Know Just What That Means and Looks Like!!!!Please
The emeny is looking to distract us in any way possible. especially through our own relationships that sidtrack us from being fully used by God and especially with the intent that we came to Moody w as single persons...and ou know it...i pray you all blessed, and your relationships. but also that God breaks anything in your life that may hinder or distract you from Him, including you relationships...be mad if you want to...
I truly do have thought toward our ideas of dating relationships. for two sides, courting, preparations for marriage. we will talk more. some of us have... we need to be better...we are called to act and look but most of all BE DIFFERENT!.....hope you enjoyed the first of my surveys. let me know if you'd like to see more and about what!
Living to Be Known...That Christ May be Known Through Us....Romans 16:17-20

The Survey (Pt. 2)

So now lets talk about some of the answers that I've received, unfortunately i will not distinguish between many of the older and wiser versus the younger; but maybe you will, and in this case simply because across the board most answers related in the same ways. This part 2 will be directly about the answers, so hopefully i can keep this shorter than most of you actually want it to be. (That would just be way to much writing.)

First let me say I admire all those who answered this question with "I don't know" rather than trying to make up a good sounding answer.
i will use some answers to be a summation of corporate answers that sounded different but meant the same. simple right.... OK
the only thing is that there were 3 instructions....
1. no general answers (be specific)
2. no explanations (straight answers)
3. case sensitive (your personal answer for yourself)

Here we go.......

1. By loving me like Christ loves the church.
2. He tells me
3. Sacrifice
4. Pleased to serve me/bless me
5. Time
6. Consistent Character
7. I would be able to discern (I'd just know)
8. When I trust him
9. Physical affection
10. Perseverance with me
11. He'll need me
12. He'll want me
13. He will continuously pursue me
14. he will be bold
15. paying attention to me
16. Leave em alone (waiting until I'm ready to give an answer)
17. taking his time
18. putting me first and my cares and needs before his
19. taking time to listen and invest in my life
20. his company
21. doing the small things
22. when he studies me
23. not his actions (first proof of trustworthiness and faithfulness), then choosing me and that's it. only me*
24. wanting to spend the rest of his life with me
25. through expressions of love
    
26. he will be interested with me
    
27. willingness to sacrifice everything (everything)
28. dignity
29. he'll back up his words with actions
30. actions
31. view me in the eyes of God
32. he'll take care of me
33. having integrity in private and public
34. treats me as Christ would- spoiled
35. loving me when I'm not lovable
36. respect
37. time to get to know me, what I'm like and who I am
38. it's something he'll constantly work at
39. He will love God, won't lead me into any sin, and protect my heart and his*
40. pursuit even after he has me
41. respect with interest in my life and my family also
42. initiating time and interest
43. not passive
44. with my difficulty and manipulation and problems, he'll still persevere w/ me
45. treating me Biblical
46. Loving God more than me*
47. how much he is willing to do to have me
48. by how much pursuing Christ matters to him*
49. patience*
50. in Christ,cherishing me, building up and challenging me
51. time with me over other people
52. respecting my authority, i.e. going through my father, being dedicated to the Lord and accountable to other men*
53. through his words
54. choosing to lead, committed through faithfulness, I'd be a priority
55. wont intentionally hurt me
56. he will assure me
57. putting my relationship with the Lord above mine and his*
58. when he asks me to marry him
59. understanding who he is in Christ first and who he is suppose to be before pursuing me*
60. build himself and me spiritually, emotionally, physically and mentally*
61. willing to die for me
62. not based on image or shallowness but inner beauty
63. written encouragement
64. sharing the same passions
65. effort in communicating his love if he really loves me
66. support
67. sincerity, saying it after an extended period of time as a friend, after knowing me, then saying it genuinely
    
68. choice to even in struggle
69. I don't think there's any way to really know
    
70. when i can experience God's love through him
71. if me being happy makes him happy
72. because I'll never have to ask
73. all about me....(The Queen)
74. considerate of my time, needs, respect, honors my opinions and feelings, a relationship of mutual accommodations*
75. prays for me daily, thanks God for me, leaving no room for doubt that I'm the only one for him, anticipates, considers, seeks, supports me in all areas*
76. makes me smile inside and out
77. trying his hardest not to lose me
78. provides, protects, and devotes time*
79. actions speak louder than words
80. he is eager to introduce you to friends, family as well as meet yours
81. He gives you his Name*
    

So here are 81 answers that I've written out. some are bold w a star thing because i thought those sounded better although that does not make them the answers. all other answers 50+ are products, by-products or answers that are within the answers already given...fellas i wouldn't depend on these to get you through. Ladies i would not accept them all either.

Still the questions begs to be answered why there are so many answers and how do women come to these conclusions of what it means for them to be loved and how they know. Is there a better way? a sure way? a Biblical way?.......i asked the same question....

stay tuned.....

The Survey (Pt. 1)

Say what you will but this is just an analysis of things I have seen, heard, or witnessed during my time at MBI...

Somehow, this semester has had much to do with relationships, love, marriage and dating as a subject that has not only been taught, preached and inquired of, but also talked much about within the halls, dorms, outside areas, around our campus and in conversations between most of us (students) around the city.
Intrigued by all that i had seen and heard so far, after watching many "couples", "relationships", these young men in "pursuit" of these young ladies and these young ladies who unquestionably long to be "pursued". I became curious of a few things that I wanted to examine further. This survey is a result of one of those things. This is the beginning....

As a young man who watches people, I often wonder "what are they thinking?", "why would they do that?" just like most people do. (What can I say, I'm an individual)...but as I thought to myself I also wondered if I would go about such things the same way...Of course not right! Yea, that's what most of us would say. Without going into a rant on my own life and personal experiences, lets just say that I believe that many young men and women are misguided and unprepared for relationships; Christians and non-Christians alike. I asked myself whether or not our pursuit of women are done in the correct manner and whether or not desire, interest, or intention was enough. Is Love enough? and do we or should we love this "particular one" before we do pursue her. How, when and why?........ right?

But then I had to step back and look and said, "what about them, are they ready?, are they ready? to be loved? to be led?.... Do they even truly know what Love is? and if so, How do they know that a man Loves them?

I then asked maybe 10-18 ladies at my school the question, "How do You know, that a man Loves you?" Needless to say i heard no answer the same. Thus my curiosity was agitated and I could not shake the idea that "maybe they've never thought about this" or "maybe they don't know" and Yes this, this was the beginning of my survey. I decided that maybe I should write these down and try and see from their perspective, to generate thought within them, so I and they too would search to see, look to find out. What it means to be loved by a man. and How? what exactly does that look like? and is there a right answer? well stay tuned and we'll see what we get.

Just so you know, I've surveyed well over 120 women...Mostly from my school campus, some on the L-train, buses, here in Chicago, back home via email and phone call. The majority age range for about 85% fall between 18-25, one 17yr old, and the rest, we'll just call older and wiser. No this was not a professional survey, it just kinda came together. but I did it, and now I'm writing about it. All answers are anonymous. But I'll share a few things I've heard along the way...

This can not be overlooked. I hope to generate thought and talks about this so that we might be prepared better and seek out to better prepare ourselves, young men and young women. because our "idea" of things just might be off right now... but I'll let you decide.......stay tuned...

Thanks to all the ladies who daringly agreed to take this survey even before they knew the question...you've helped me more than you know. and yourselves for that matter...I Hope and Pray!

Thanksgiving Day! ... food and family!....um... so?

God is our Creator! our Life Source! Alpha and Omega! Praise and Worship HIM only Forever!
thank you Almighty Father for your grace and faithfulness according to your promises...for goodness bestowed to us as well as justice for that which we are all guilty and deserving of at the least to receive hell. Yet you have seen fit to LOVE us. and you DO. Blessed is God who reigns!

thank you Jesus, Son of God, Savior, King, Judge for your sacrificial ransom on our behalf. You are the WAY, and there is no other way. Thank you, for all things have been given to you by the Father and we who have been drawn to you by this grace submit our everything to you. By the power of your hand, Lord in Your name, Jesus. Bless us, come to our aid, save us continually from ourselves, by the Love and promise of Your Word! Blessed is the Lord who reigns!

thank you Holy Spirit, Spirit of Promise, Truth and Wisdom, Comforter for your everlasting dwelling. For coming to us just as the Father sent you to be with us always. Thank you for peace, leading us to the Truth who is the Son who shows us the Father who sends You to reside within us....Oh God Thank You...Blessed is the Spirit of God who reigns!

Father, Son and Holy Spirit
2nd Corinthians 13:14- The grace o the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the communion o the Holy Spirit be with you all. Amen

Let us be thankful! full of thanks unto God!

Migraine Headaches

The last two weeks have felt so unproductive. Not that I'm not doing anything, but I am definitely doing less. Seemed to have found myself in a season of migraine headaches. These things stop a young man in his tracks. I get completely nonfunctional. I thought it was due to lack of sleep, but as i've spent the last week catching up, I'm not so sure. Anyway, I been praying that they go away because I am really tired of taking pain killers to help subside. I even wake up with them, i think those are the worst. and since i cant take care of this little issue medicinally anymore(home towners know what i'm talkin) then i need them gone. I missed two days of classes because i just couldn't handle the pain. And that's not common, i think migraine headaches and pepper spray are in my top 4 category of "the worst pain i've ever felt."

Somebody need to pray for me.