Yes, Slow

I like it slow. Really, I do. Over my years I seem to have these moments of epiphany almost. Amidst my so seemingly busy and fast paced life, I stop. I say to myself, "I'm tired" and begin to mooooovve sllloooooow. Slow always works really good for me; for a while. Soon enough I forget how good slow is and somewhere, some day, at some time blink twice and realize that I'm actually moving faster than before I had slowed down.

Whyyyyy?

This week I've been really slow again walking, talking, moving, working, and listening for my mental, physical and spiritual LIFE! It's true. I got more done too. Let me say this too, I've used less words this week than I have in a long time. And I like it that way. So for now, I'm slow. Yes, slow.

From a Journal Entry titled: Made it!

So as I continue to debrief, process and think on deep thoughts. I wanted to give something from the last two weeks that I spent in Kenya. This is a journal entry from the first evening of the Safari we were able to go on the day before we left. I'll share more from my days in Kenya in days to come.

3-21-2012

Made It

"...The girls are going to shower and probably change for dinner. We're going to meet @ 7:30. Still twenty minutes left. That should be more than enough time. So as I sit and listen to this Jazz music, I am feeling as though I am now on vacation. Lodge, Safari, buffet dinner, a robe in my own room. Yea. Feels like it. Feels good for now.

    

    You know, riding w/ the roof up is wonderful like life, you can ride in the front, facing the trail, leaving dust, looking ahead as the wind blows against you. An excitement that beckons the future and all that it brings.

    Or from the side. Looking for something out there, searching the landscape, just enough wind on you as you watch the scenery pass you by. It's not so fierce here on the side, I can see a little bit of everything, and I'm quite comfortable. I live in the reality of right now. And take it as it is.

   Eventually I found my way to the back. Looking behind, feeling like I'm moving backwards although the wind pushes forward. I see all things left. Unlike the other two, I want to be the one that knows whether what has past is still there or gone. Looking for everything that's already been. Sometimes it's sad, sometimes wonderful, and the wind feels good at my back because the reality is. I'm moving forward. My memories are precious.

   So what do you do? where do you stay?

I sat. I closed my eyes. Prayed. And when they open. I know I'll be wherever it is I need to. And that. That's better than the rest."

I'm back!... or am I?

Or am I?...... I was wondering the same thing too. Well, maybe.

I am back in the U.S., back in Chicago, back at school. I'm not even saying that mind or heart or thoughts are in Kenya still. Nope. I am fully here. My prayers are with Kenya and the team there, just as they are in Cali and all my loved ones there and in various places around the U.S.

So what am I saying then.

It's the question that bugs. When we were finished going through customs at the airport Natalie's mom and sisters were waiting for us. She asked me a real question. "Are you a changed man?" Well, I told her that I did not know yet. Being back at school already has been a challenge. Not because I don't want to be here but because of the consciousness of things I cannot avoid. As I have begun to reflect on all that happened, I am seeing more than when I was in the middle of it all. And that's what I think is getting to me more.
Because of this I can't, in the moment, say that I am the same. That "I'm back". The dilemma is, that I don't want this to fizzle off and do what is done so frequently, you know the saying "out of sight, out of mind". That's it. Also I am doing my best not to be rude. My mother told me to spend some time alone but school starts back tomorrow. I don't yet want to talk about Kenya to everyone. So my responses are slow and calm as I can be. I just say I'm not ready  to talk, or to give me a few days or that we'll catch up soon. all I know is that I need to be ready for school and work tomorrow despite how I personally feel. Shake of the cobwebs, the dust, and anything else that's on me.

I'm back non the less, I'm back either way.
Or am I?........ um, yes.  

Five Days of Africa

I realized the second day i was here, that I could really do myself a disservice and over-spiritualize everything. So lets keep that in perspective D-roc. Secondly, I'm struggling with the words to share here due to what I've seen and heard. How do I not be vague but also share exactly what I want to? I don't know.

Let me first say that the dream has come true. Travel, speak/teach the Word, love people. I think I've got everything but a wife now. I'll keep praying for that one though, haha. OK let's see....

I'm sure you want to hear about my experiences. I've been writing everything in this notebook I brought with me. But can I say something more important. This week has been full of ministry; as expected. My prayer life has increased, and my thought life has changed some I'm sure. I've been praying for more of the Holy Spirit's presence and power in me and in my team. We have a great team here. We visit homes, schools, jails, hospitals, in the slums, in the boonies for real too, it's real. But the last couple of days I've had moments that just silence me. I go quiet because I feel that if I speak, something will be said that should not, or maybe my team will see it. I'm sure that it's spiritual warfare. so pray for me, pray for us. In six days we'll be back on a plane. For now that's all I can say... God is very good to us. Amen.

I'll write again before we leave. But this is what I have to say right now. Thanks

In Jesus

Tonight's Wonder

Tomorrow I'll be on a plane headed to Detroit, headed to Amsterdam, headed to Nairobi, headed to Kisumu, Kenya.

Africa!

Once a dream wanted for close to no reason at all.

Now a reality for the sake of the gospel of Jesus Christ and the glory of God.

Everyone says that their excited, or jealous, or wish they had the opportunity. They ask(some more so assume) I'm excited. But I'm nervous. This is no vacation, you know. These are lives. And I don't cry much. But I wonder?

It's that for real, that serious right now. Because I expect God to do what I can't imagine. He often does.

And that scares me. Not a fear as though I should be afraid for anything. But let me be honest. I'm not worthy. Although my every endeavor is driven by longing an hoping to one day be. (to hear "Well Done", that is)

hahahahahahahahahahahahahah...

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Deep breathe.

Just had to get that out. I'll be writing to you all so.